Week Three

As previously mentioned, i may have cheated a bit this week. (in fact, 3 meals weren't diet friendly, but who's counting?)

This week I really haven't seen any drastic results, but to be fair, i wasn't working as hard as i could have. I stayed active, but didn't exert myself.

I'm not too concerned about it though, because i have made a decision! I won't be stopping this plan at the end of september. I am going to attempt to make this my everyday behavior.

Before, i would obsess about a diet so much, and the one time i faltered, i would just give up completely and fall off the wagon.

Now, i won't sweat it if i decide to go out for a good meal every once in awhile, because i will know that it's an exception to the norm.

I am really excited about this, and actually, have learned to love the new kinds of foods i'm eating. (and no, i'm not going to pretend everything i'm eating is "healthy", but it's definitely better than it had been!)

So, here are few more "diet" foods I've adored lately:

whole grain english muffin with fat free cream cheese

Dr. Oz told me to eat more whole grains. and only 130 calories for the whole thing!

Weight Watchers Ice Cream Candy Bars

holy crap! these are AMAZING!!!!! it's just like a snickers ice cream bar, but only 150 calories. I can't wait to try some more of weight watchers treats (any suggestions?)

I've also taken to snacking on carrot sticks dipped in humus. Husband looks at me like i'm crazy, but it's really not that bad.

And here's my insight for the week: ignorance truly is bliss

It's one things for me to be able to read the nutritional info on the back of a package, and then choose to not eat it. But the easy part about going out to eat, is the information isn't right there staring you in the face. Unless you ask to see it, you never have to know. And it's the not knowing that's so heavenly.

The Style of our Apartment is "Eclectic Impoverished"

Sure, the ambiance has a certain je ne se qua.
But mostly, it just merits the sympathetic, "aww, look. Their bed is on the floor"

We've got the basics. Your rump would have a seat to rest on, and your drink would have a surface to make condensation rings on, but we are definitely lacking the accessories.

It's like a cupcake without frosting, What's the point!?!?

Since I got my couch (a full 3 months after moving in, mind you) I've really been wanting throw pillows. If for no other reason, so that we'll stop using our bed pillows on the couch.

Truthfully, it barely matters. NO ONE ever comes over to our apartment (it's too small...and we have no friends), but still I think I would really enjoy it if our apartment had a "finished look."

Everytime we've had people visit from out of town, I've driven to target in a blind panic, hoping to find the perfect throw pillows so that our guests will think how awesome i am.

Husband teases me. He guarantees that no one would notice if we had pillows or not. (but, if i were visiting someone else, I totally would). Sadly, in those rushes i've never found any pillows that I liked enough to justify spending the money. They seem to have a pretty hefty price tag. And considering we spent a whopping $40 on the sofa...it doesn't make much sense to spend double the amount of some cushions.

However, I saw these last time I was at ikea and I really liked them.

Two of these for my beige couch


and one of these for our blue wingback chair

Give me another year (or some visitors) and I might finally bite the bullet and get them.

Breaking News: Alcohol Impairs Judgement

Oh, hello there internet! Have you missed me? I've missed you. There were so many things I wanted to share with you, but you kept giving me mixed signals. Actually, it was more like no signal. But beggars can't be choosers, and I can't exactly knock on my neighbors door and ask her to fix her router so I can continue stealing her internet.
And now back to your previously scheduled post...

Breakfast: rice cake, banana, & water= 150 calories
Lunch: ramen= 150 calories

Over the course of an 8 hour workday, I'd had managed to only consume 300 calories. Needless to say, they were all gone when I left work at 5:30.

However, there were still a few minutes left in the UT game (and we weren't doing too horribly) so I decided to stop at a nearby bar to catch the end of it.

I ordered a pint, and proceeded to have any wishful thinking disappear when our quarterback threw an interception to cinch the loss.

The games over, I close the tab (of my ONE beer), and I realize I'm a bit tipsy.

One pint...of LIGHT beer, and suddenly I can't stop smiling and laughing at the cacophony of jokes inside my head. [ex. What's a pirate's favorite kind of socks? ARRRRRGyle

Fortunately, I had planned on walking home from work.
Unfortunately, it's a 45 minute walk and the 100 calories i just drank weren't cutting it.

I walked for about 25 minutes and realized i was right by A MCDONALDS!!!

"ooo! I remember mcdonalds! As I recall, it is the most delicious establishment in the world!"

I call John, and admit my drinking foible. Then, I proceed to tell him that I am walking to Mcdonalds and he should pick me up.

I have a very enjoyable conversation with my server about the fact that a Mcdouble is $1.00, and a cheeseburger (which is the same thing, with one less hamburger patty) is $.99.
Is a second beef patty only a penny? (she said no).
Then I pointed out that a hamburger is only 5 cents less than a cheeseburger...yet it costs 30 cents if you add cheese to anything.
i think she really liked me!

Fortunately, John found me gabbing with the lady, and he rescued her from anymore of my questions. We grabbed our food, and in my brilliance decided to stop at the store and pick-up some more beers before heading home to drink and dine.

Here's the thing i learned: once the buzz wears off, you're still stuck eating mcdonalds.

eww.

Week Two In Review

(hey hey, i rhymed!)

Ok...I cheated!!!!

On Friday, Husband and I decided we REALLY needed to go out for some QT. Needless to say, I wasn't so worried about my diet, but vowed to start back first thing saturday.

Unfortunately, Saturday brought me some bad news.

It's work-related, so I won't go into too much detail on the blog, but basically I was holding out hope for something that isn't to be. I get why, but it still sucks.

I ended up being pretty bummed the whole day, and the last thing on my mind was proper nutrition... (especially where beer was concerned)

So...sometimes you fall off the wagon.

And when that happens, you have two choices. You can:
a) give up
b) try again
[i chose b]

So for Sunday, I watched what I ate*, stayed hydrated, and Husband and I went for a delightful bike ride after work.

Honestly, I don't think i had any choice. All day long i watched iron man competitors run past my window**.

The least i could do was not eat a bowl of lard while watching them...

* and even managed to turn down a piece of cake that was offered to me! a two layer, mouse filled, chocolated covered piece of heaven was held under my nose, and I said, "no thank you"
That's GOT to be progress right??? because it smelled goooooooood

**the best part was a group of spectators left a sign on the road for their runner that said, "Frank, if you finish after 7 come find us at the bar"

Why?

I saw a woman wearing these today...

I can believe i ever wanted (and subsequently owned) several pairs of these!!

Oh late 90's, why did you torment me so????

Day 9

Which just happens to be 9.09.09. Coincidence? (yeah, probably...especially since day one was on the 1st of the month)

Meals weren't really an issue, I had small meals all throughout the day. I didn't work out today, so I wasn't really hungry (more so thirsty).

Husband's been having a rough go of it lately. He's been pretty bummed all summer. Mainly because for the first time, he didn't have a summer. Previously, he'd always had 3 months off (one of the few perks of being a teacher). And sadly this year, summer just flew by. And we didn't get so much as a decent vacation.

Anyhoo, since he's been kinda grumpy lately, i decided I would do what I could to make him feel better. (Admittedly, I had originally planned on spacing my tasks out over the 3-day weekend. However, I wound up chillaxin the first 2 days, and scrambled to get it all done today)

He has this penchant for really big calendars. He likes to have one hanging so that he can write all his deadlines on it in big, ominous red ink. His most recent one was an academic year, and has expired. I decided to surprise him with a new one! (they cost $5. clearly, i spare no expense and nothin's too good for my manz)

I head to [large office supply chain*] and go to the calendar section. Now this is they exact store I bought it from last year, so i don't forsee any issues. (foreshadowing children!) But this time, they only have calendar years, starting with either Jan2009 or Jan2010. They're both $5....

There's no point in me just buying the 2010, because that wouuld leave out a full semester of grad school. But I refuse to believe that an '09 calendar should cost the same, consider it's only 33% usable.

I find a mgr, and ask if they still carry the school year versions, and he tells me "what you see is what we have." Then, I ask if they'd be willing to offer some kind of a discount since 2/3's of the product if useless. And BEFORE I CAN FINISH MY SENTENCE, he interrupts me with a very nonchalant, 'you're not worth my time answer. Which was a variation on, "they make the prices, i can't change the prices"

Now folks, this is a manager. It's not like i asked some stock boy who hates his job, and is hiding in the corner texting his friends. This is a middle-age, responsible for the whole store, salary earning manager.

(and here's the part I don't like admitting) I used to work for this store. Different location, but all the stores are the same. I know for a fact that mgr's can change the price. We used to give 10% off just for asking, and if the product really was devalued, we would take about 20-30% off. Also, even if we couldn't do what the customer wanted, we would still have a smile on our face and try and be as pleasant as possible.

Since I knew all of this, i really didn't appreciate his attitude towards me. So i turned around, put the calendar back along with EVERY other item in my cart (which includes: overpriced pens, an embarrassing lisa frank folder for Husband's back-to-school gag gift, and an 'as seen on tv' product that I have been wanting to try...but am not willing to admit to you what it is)

So now, instead of knocking $2 off the price of an outdated calendar, they lost the whole sale. Plus, i don't plan on going back there anymore. AND, i've told all of you.

So HA! take that you less-than-caring manager you.
[gosh, i REALLY need to get a life. I guarantee you if i had friends, i would be out drinking right now, not whining on a blog about not saving 2 bucks]

Instead, i drove further away to a different [large office chain store]. I found a school-term calendar in the right size, but it was FIFTEEN FREAKIN DOLLARS! I really didn't want to pay that much. But I couldn't find any '09 calendars. I wandered for awhile, and looked in clearance to no avail.

SERIOUSLY UNIVERSE??? IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD!!!!

I was just.so.frustrated. I had been shopping for over an hour for a CALENDAR. It had seemed like such a simple idea to begin with, and yet it was taking the better part of my day. I wanted to be done. I wanted it to be simple. I wanted....A CANDY BAR!

I become consumed by this craving. I scuttle to the check-out lane and start eyeing all the chocolatey choices. And that's when I have my [oprah endorsed] "a-ha moment. I mean, i knew i eat through my feelings. (anyone who looks at my backside could tell you that), but this is the first time i actually pinpoint the frustration with the craving. I decided, "screw it. i've had a hard day, i deserve a treat!"

But then, a lightbulb literally lit-up above me** and i remembered that i had put a fiber-filled granola bar in my purse before i left, 'just in case'. All the deliciousness, and half the calories of a twix!

I was so proud of myself, i decided to push onward. And literally, as I turned around, there they were. 2009 calendars, on sale for $3.50! So for half the price of the academic year one, i got two and it will last until decemeber 2010 (so hopefully we'll never have to go through this again).

Afterward, I continued with my "make husband feel better" chores and did ALL the laundry, washed all the dishes, and did my best to tidy the apartment before he arrived. I was like a wife from the 1950!

If only i'd worn my pearls and drank more vodka....

and ps- it did seem to cheer him up...for now :/

*i am opting to not reveal they're name here since i am going to complain about them...let's just say it's the one that doesn't have the word "office" in the name
**of course, it was merely a 15watt. I mean, we're talking about ME here. not too bright.

I Think We All Could Go For a Non-Diet Post

I finally tricked convinced some of my co-workers to be in a book club! I am super excited. My one friend merely suggested it in passing, but i JUMPED at the chance!

We're aiming at having our first meeting by the end of September, and to get the ball rolling, i went ahead and picked a book.

Good In Bed, by Jennifer Wiener

I read it once (5 years ago while I was stuck in an airport for 14 HOURS because they canceled my flight, and failed to get me on another one...boo, u.s. airways!) and although i don't really remember what it's about, i do remember loving it!

i am hoping it goes over well. Upon picking it, I immediately regretted it though. It's just too much pressure, what if they hate it?

However, if that's the case, then I've ensured that I won't have to pick the book ever again ;)

I'll keep you posted, blogosphere.

Day 8

Dear Diet,

I hate you.

Love,
A Pathetic Fish

PS- sure, i'm still following you. and sure, i'm already seeing results. but i wish you would just leave me alone!

Day 7

Happy Labor Day Y'all!

I was a little remorseful that i couldn't partake in the traditional hot dogs and mayonnaise drenched "salads", but the feeling quickly dissipated when I put on my white sundress (for one last time...no white after labor day) and it was SWIMMING on me!!

I haven't worn it since before i started biking to work, and there just seemed to be oodles of extra fabric floating around my midsection (yay! so exciting). That being said, it made a formerly adorable dress look rather frumpy, but SO WHAT! It was too big (eek!).

I'm actually between sizes right now, and have to wait until I drop a few more inches to downgrade to a smaller size. This is good for 2 reasons: 1) i would be halfway towards my goal! 2)i actually can't afford clothes at the moment, so it gives me an excuse to wait

Beyond that, here are some "diet" foods that have been rockin my world!


chocolate mint fudge sugar free jello
(holy crap is this stuff good! I also tried the boston creme pie flavor and loooved it... and now have my sights set on conquering all the rest of the flavors too!)



Lipton sparkling diet green tea
(i bought the strawberry kiwi flavor, not knowing what to expect and even Husband (who NEVER drinks diet drinks) agreed it was delightful. I'm a sucker for anything with bubbles!)

Today was a thoroughly enjoyable day. I actually wound up doing nothing. I had bought a book for a dollar the other day, and devoured it (i won't tell you what it is, because it was actually terrible. I was more reading it quickly to go ahead and get it over with....if you have noticed, i'm weird).

Also, I'm finally starting to feel like myself again! (which is great, cause that crappy mood i've been in has been no picnic for those around me either)

Currently, i'm hovering at about 1,200 calories* a day, which is a drastic drop from before. And working out 3-4 times per week (i'd like that to be higher!). I think the fact that i started so abruptly was what caused my brain to cease normal function for awhile, but now i am starting to feel more like myself again, and my mood is following suit.

I'm one week done, 75% left to go! I honestly didn't think i'd make it this long, but shockingly i haven't had any cravings (or, at least none that i can't find a good substitute for!)
So that's cause for celebration!!!


*but don't worry, i haven't skipped a single meal. Although i have tried to curb mid-day snacking (or at least make smart decisions on what my snacks are)

Day 6.

I didn't have time for breakfast this morning, b/c i was in a rush to try and get to church. But believe me, during the hyms, no one was singing louder than Daniella (that's what I named by stomach, but i digress)

We left the church (which is located downtown) and stumbled right into Taste of Madison (aka: the delicious event i've been trying to avoid all weekend). It smelled soooo good, and we were both starving. I decided attend, but made a quick stop at the market to buy a snack and grab some cash to go tasting. I had a kombucha and a banana.

I'm glad i did, because it definitely helped to curb my appetite, but I still managaed to have some crab rangoons for lunch (get over it, they were delicious)

I behaved myself for the rest of the day, and proceeded to have a lean cuisine pizza and sugar free jello for dessert. [it was a chocolate fudge mint...if you see them at the store, TRY THEM! i think i still have chocolate on my face from it (since i didn't eat it, so much as have my way with it)]

After dinner, I had to go to the grocery store for the first time since I started this diet. I was really nervous. I was alone, and terrified that all i would buy was ice cream, pizza, and lard (yes, an actual bucket of lard. And also, doesn't it sound delicious!) It was a good thing I had eaten before I went, and I did pretty good. Although, i did make a quick pit-stop to smell the bakery section, but ended our love affair at that (i figured there can't be that many olfactory calories, right?)

My big concern, is while i was walking down the aisles, i kept spotting things and thinking, "i can't wait to eat those again when this diets over!" And that would suck it i worked really hard for 30 days, and then ruined it immediatly.

I don't need a diet, I need a lifestyle change, because temporary solutions don't work.

But i've already realized that i can't conform my life completely to getting rid of the delicious grease*, so I'm gonna have to embrace the "everything in moderation" plan.

*and sugar, and fat, and calories, and lard (again with the lard! geez)

Ugh. Day 5

did i say i was going to do this for 30 days? cause I meant 6....

Today was not a good day. I ate the proper breakfast and lunch. Drank TONS of water. and biked 4 miles.
But I was in such a bad mood...

Taste of Madison is this weekend, and we had so much FUN at it last year. I'm trying to avoid it this time around though, since I doubt butterfinger wantons* are diet friendly...

When I got home after work, i decided i HAD to go out tonight. (i blame the fact that we never ended up gooing on our date last night, i was getting antsy) We decided to go to dinner, and I got a salad. A fried chicen tenders salad [drool]. I'm sure it was waaay to many calories, and really gross anyway. The lettuce was all soggy and yucky.
Next time, someone PLEASE remind me that I could make a way better one for cheaper.

We were going to pick-up a movie, but the "dvd vending machine" was broken. So i'm stuck on here while Husband watches football. (not exactly that date night i had in mind...)

My sentimentally is, UGH. not because the diets too hard. or that I am obsessing about fatty foods... more so that it's too redundant and i am feeling BORED OUT MY EFFING MIND**

On a positive note. I bought some russel stover's sugar free candies that are quite yummy and curbing my sweet craving. (Husband's having to hide them from me though, so that I don't eat 24 pieces tonight)

*yes. they're real. We got them last year, and actually hated them. Oddly enough. you'd think candy bars and delicious fried asain wrapper would go great together.... (what? that's just me?)
**well, i'm just a bowlful of cheery sunshine today aren't i???

Day 4

Fingers crossed: I haven't cheated in two days!

I wasn't very hungry at noon, so I skipped lunch and went window shopping*. I quickly learned my mistake though, when I was starving a couple hours later and surrounded by food courts, and delicous smelling calorie-filled nemesis'. Luckily, i stayed strong. Bought myself a bottled water, and sped home to eat.

Beyond that, I'm a little cranky. It's Friday evening, and I can't go out to eat, or have a cocktail. To distract myself, Husband and I are going to eat here and then go ____ (bowling, minigolfing, or movie...not sure yet which one).

I wanted to explain why I chose lean cuisines for this "experiment"

One option would have been any of the technically "diet" plans (slimfast, nutrisystem, etc). My focus in all of this isn't to lose weight, it's to get healthy. (In fact, I don't even have a scale, so I have no idea how much weight I will be losing). I've tried lots of these diet plans in the past, and I don't find them to be the healthiest routes. Lots of them are full of chemicals and preservatives, and seem only focused toward weight loss. [as you read this, you should all be laughing at the chemical water (aka: diet dr. pepper) that i'm spooning in bed that's sitting in my fridge]

The healthiest route would have been fresh, delicious homemade meals utilizing lots of produce. However, this has been tried in the Apathetic Fish household several times, and (while i still hope to be able to do it in the future) it doesn't work currently. My kitchen is too small, and unpleasant to cook in. I buy too much, and it expires before I make it. I snack while cooking, thus adding calories. And often, if I am too tired, i chose to just go out to eat instead.

I chose lean cuisine because it's all natural. no preservatives, and (the best part for me) prebuilt portion control. I can have a hot, healthy meal in less time than it would take for me to get fast food.

However, i only have about 5 favorites that i've bought, and they are getting a little redundant. And that's where you come in, cyberfriends. I need your favorite suggestions so I know which ones to buy. (and it doesn't have to be lean cuisine... I'm good with smartones, healthy choice, etc). so let me know which ones I'm missing out on.
And i'll go ahead and share with you that lean cuisine's bbq chicken pizza is my reason for living (oh.my.god)

Also, I've been craving sweets, and the sugar-free pudding failed to curb it. Any suggestions?

*which SUCKS by the way. Why would you torture yourself at stores when you can't by anything? (gilmore girls astounds me with their wisdom)

Would If I Could

Being Poor Sucks

I know, I astound you with my wisdom. But it really and truly does. Being poor is EXHAUSTING!

I'm at a stage in my life where all my friends seem to be buying houses and starting families, and we can barely make rent (and by barely, i mean we fall short, and use our savings to pay the difference)

Beyond that we have the things we need to buy:

• we both need new tires
• i need contacts
• we need to go to the dentist
• we need to pay our bills
• we need to pay husbands tuition and books

We can't afford these things! let alone all the things I want to buy:

• clothes (i'm finally back at a size where I enjoy shopping!)
• shoes (my beloved rainbows broke, and I can't afford to replace them. oh the agony!!!)
• decent furniture (we are on pure basics here)
• vacations (it sucks that finances are keeping us from seeing the people we love)

And as I expected, the birthday money is gone. and do i have a new camera? NO
(i did some laundry, and we went out to dinner twice. fun yes, but fleeting)

I keep telling myself to wait one more year, and we'll start to be ok. But my brain keeps responding, "A whole YEAR?!?"

And with him not working this past summer, and me getting my hours cut starting in February, I think we're screwed. Even if we make it...honestly, there's no guarantee he'll be able to find a job (esp. in this economy).

Sorry about the lack of cheery sunshine on this post. I think me being alone with my thoughts can sometimes be the wort possible way to spend a day
(and on that note, I'm going shopping! But only window shopping...you know, unless I find something really, really cute ;)

I'm going to need to go ahead and apologize for this, and any post you read this month. This diet is affecting my brain, and I have no short term memory at all. Every time I sit down to write a blog, my mind goes blank. I've been trying to type this for days, but my brain can't even make sentences or use proper grammar.
lo ciento!

Day 3

Things I did right:

• didn't cheat on foods AT ALL!!!!!!!!
• biked to work
• lots o delicious, refreshing water
  

Things I dropped the ball on:

• I've been eating too late (past 8), in an effort to wait for Husband. I think I will just have to eat before he gets home, because I'd like to implement a "no food after 7" rule (for myself at least, "I keep losing weight even though I'm not really trying" Husband can do whatever he wants.
  

Key Learnings:

As I was typing this i thought, "ugh. It's only day 3???" However, I am feeling pretty great too, so I'll just have to keep that thought with me as I go into this delicious, labor-free weekend!

Day 2*

Things i did right:

• Activia for breakfast
• salad for lunch
• lean cuisine for dinner
• ignored the free candy on the table (see below)
• drank lots of water
  

Things i dropped the ball on:

• had two beers (LIGHT beers though, about 200 calories combined)
• no significant workout (except for 3 hours of minigolf!!!!)
  

Key Learnings:
Today was a staff outing. We went to lunch and mini golfing** Since I couldn't exactly bring a lean cuisine with me to the restaurant, I got a cobb salad, and didn't even come close to finishing it.
Unfortunately, we decided to have some brewskies during puttputt. And while I was ordering, I completely forgot that i was suppossed to be dieting. Luckily, it was a miller lite and only had 96 calendar (now, I was fully aware of my wrongdoing when ordering the second one... but I got my just desserts by spilling half of it on the golf course)
BUT (in my defense), when we had our meeeting after lunch, there was candy on the table for us, and i didn't take a single piece!! (that's a HUGE step in the right direction)
And instead of ordering a snack (fat+money i don't have), i had packed a granola bar in my purse, and just ate that instead.

Honestly, I'm pretty proud of myself. It's easy to hide in your house and restrict what foods are in the kitchen, but the real bitch is applying healthy habits to daily life. I don't want to become a hermit in order to get healthy, and (with the exception of the delicious empty beer calories), i did pretty well.

*I'm not certain that I will blog to about everyday of the next 30. i realize it can be pretty redundant to read. However, it's very therapeutic for me to have a place to summarize my day, plus it helps me to be accountable.
** I will say this much about my job: what it lacks in money, it makes up for in FUN

GPOYW

20 years old, and had no idea how cute i was edition

GAH! I've got to look like this again! If it happens, I might never wear clothes again :)

Day 1

Things I did right:

• good breakfast
• lean cuisines for lunch and dinner
• worked-out at curves

Things I dropped the ball on:

• Boss brought donuts to work... I had 1/2 of one
  (which is still an improvement, b/c i probably could have polished off 2-3!)
• 17 pieces of candy corn (dammit coworkers and your treats!)
• 1 piece of crazy bread (the small piece though)
• didn't ride my bike to work
  (unfortunately, i was late and opted to drive. which double sucked since it costs $10 to park in the garage for the day)

Key Learnings:
Over all, not too shabby for the first day. I'm not full, but I'm definitely not hungry. The workout was good, but I am hoping to bike tomorrow.
Also, (i failed to mention yesterday) that for my "last meal" i indulged in pepperoni pizza and a milkshake. And although it's what I was craving, it was unsatisfactory and just mediocre at best.

I hope I can remember that during this time, that the bad foods I might be lusting after aren't going to be worth it, so i might as well stick it out for the month.