I Think I Love You*

[At home during the holidays] While this commercial was on, I yelled, "Mom, come look. These are the shoes I want!"
My dad's priceless reaction, "Wait. This is a shoe commercial?!"

Has anyone out there tried the new Reebok Easy Tone?

Based solely on commercialism (and through no actual experience) i think i might be in love.

Shoes designed to improve your buns, hips, and thighs? SOLD!

Mom's already made a mental note to tell Santa that I would like a pair, but I would love to get some feedback from actual users.
Likes?
Dislikes?
Anyone else already pledged your undying devotion without actually owning a pair?
[wait, am I the only sucker?]

If you, or a "friend" you know has tried them, give me some ol' feedback.

And mom, I like these colors:

please tell Santa


*then what am i so afraid of? i'm afraid that i'm not sure of a love there is no cure for.
Just had to get that out of my system. thank you, partridge family.

This is Why You Want to be my Friend

Jambalaya Stuffed Turkey

Did i ever tell you my dad is a retired chef? It's awesome.

He doesn't have to cook anymore, so when he does, he goes all out.

And yes, I am aware of the ridiculousness of posting "wanting to be fit" post immediately followed by a food post.

Let's just say if I could care about exercise the way I care about food, I would probably be negative pounds by now.

Bliss.

My lunch today. from the always delicious Michelangelo's.
(and no matter what anyone else tells you, their soup is the best part!)


I honestly don't want to eat dinner tonight because I don't want to tarnish the memory of this amazing meal.

If i never eat again, I can die happy knowing that I've had the best there is to offer.

A Minty-Fresh Facial

Without going into much detail, I can tell you that these last two months have been really, really difficult for me. My stress level is at about a million percent.

Unfortunately, my face has chosen to provide a visual reaction the the inner turmoil that I am currently suffering from.

I am breaking out. Like crazy.

My face has gone back in time by a decade, and I am a 14 year old zit factory...*

Last Saturday night, I finally got a good look at myself in the mirror, and realized that there were a good 5 spots in my gorgeous mug that needed some serious attention.

After scrubbing my pimples to a brilliant shine, I chose to remember something I had read years ago in a teen magazine:
"putting a dab of toothpaste on a pesky zit before bed will zap it gone by the time you wake up"**

I have no idea why this thought came to me, but my immediate reaction was, "Brilliant!"

I proceeded to dot globs of toothpaste on segments of my face, until I was a festive polka dot pattern. And I went to bed eager to see the amazing difference that would be waiting for me in the morning.

I woke up, and showered off the toothpaste and excitedly looked in the mirror to see the results.

Oh.no.

Sure, it had dried out the 'problem areas'... but everywhere the toothpaste had touch was now bright red.

There were 5 very large glaring red spots on my face. And no amount of moisturizer or makeup was helping them go away. I'm not sure if this happens to most people, or if it only showed up on me because of my lack of epidermis pigmentation, but i looked ridiculous.

Worse than that, i look diseased. This was 2 days ago, and they're still there. Smaller, drier, and redder than before. I can't decide if I look like i have chicken pox, or facial herpes. It's a toss up, but neither one is a good option.

So tonight, I will use the facial mask i have sworn by since my 18-year old sorority days.

Queen Helene's Mint Julip Mask

only $5 at walgreens.
you can keep your kiehl's, thank you.
(ok, that's not entirely true. I would LOVE some kiehl's products, but will never be able to afford it. However, feel free to donate some to me at any time)

*eww. that's gross, my bad
**or something like that. I'm trying to write like a teenager... it doesn't work. Kids today, geez. turn down your music and pull-up your pants! (or you know, whatever they do that's annoying now)

Go Team Mediocre?

"you know you've reached a new plateau of group mediocrity when even a Canadian is alarmed by your lack of individuality"

-Sarah Vowell, Assassination Vacation

Suck it, Canada*

*never mind the fact that she's talking about the oneida sex cult... but what evs, it's funny.

It's Like They're Advertising Just to ME!

Here are some commercials that are totally speaking to me:


I snort with laughter whenever the little guy says, "hey! we're cereal here!"



It's all too real when the husband jackhammer's the entire front yard only because he rented it for the whole day



While i would never make my in-laws sleep in the garage. I would TOTALLY rehearse hosting my first thanksgiving, and make Husband humor me while serve cardboard turkey. (i would definitely practice all the different "viola" entrances too!)

Vanity.

I've recently discovered something really, really disturbing.

I, the apathetic fish, have....

no, i can't say it! it's too terrible! ok. deep breath. quick like a bandaid.

I, the apathetic fish, have WRINKLES!!

Seriously?!?!?!
Wrinkles?
I'm 26!
How the heck did this happen??????

They're around my eyes, and only noticeable when i smile.
But i hear that's the 'gateway wrinkle'.
Once you get that one, you're suddenly hooked on all the others too.

I am sure that none of you reading this have been struck with such an awful affliction; but if by chance your "friend" has, maybe you could recommend a useful eyecream or solution?

I will also use this time to point out that I, in no way, am against plastic surgery when it comes to things getting tightened or lifted. Personally, i think i will draw the line at implanting foreign objects into my body.*
..........................................................................
And on a strictly 'vanity-related note':

I have had a lucky streak that, as far as i know, no one else has ever had:

I have never had a bad license photo.**

Not only do they look good, (and i'm not even talking about "compared to other dmv photo's, i mean i look good) but when people check my id, they tend to comment on how nice of a photo i have.

It's awesome. In fact, the last driver's license I got was in South Carolina when I changed to my married name. It was a slow Tuesday morning, and the photo lady must have been bored because she took it 3 times, and then decided on her favorite for my id.

That's honestly the main reason I have failed to get my WI license... I don't want my lucky streak to end
(well... that, and the fact that planning a trip to the dmv is about as pleasant as planning my own execution)

*this could so easily become a dirty joke...but i shall take the high road (this time)
**this does NOT include my craptastic learner's permit photo. But come one, you're not suppossed to look good at 15

Aww Nuts

I really wanted that cough drop

The Biggest Loser

If you're my facebook friend, you may have already seen this

at the chinese restaurant, this pig wouldn't stop staring at me.

I was trying to determine who was better looking, me or the pig?

Naturally, i made John take a photo so I could review it.


But then i decided it wasn't a fair competition, unless we were making the same face.


clearly, i am the loser (i so, so many ways)

and yes, his camera takes very hazy pictures.

Ode To My Boss

My boss recently ordered a slew of new staplers for our department. This made us all ridiculously happy because we:
a) weren't expecting them
b) they're those fancy ones that work with the push of a finger

Upon discovering them, I sent a text to my boss asking, "Is it sad that these staplers make me happier than I've been in awhile?"

Her glorious response, "Office supplies are better than men... More reliable and easier to replace"

Awesome. I am never quitting my job. Ever.

Duvet Covers I Might Like

I think this next one would be my favorite,
if it were ANY other color besides chartreuse:


and the duvet cover i definitely DON'T like
(but still laughed like a 10year old boy when i saw it):

this was the second picture in a google image search of 'duvet covers'. Awesome.

So, besides all of these, I think i could really fall in love with a grey and pale yellow one. Suggestions Anyone?

Happy Awkward Anniversary

Yesterday Was the Four Year Anniversary of Our Engagement

Which means that TODAY is the 4 year anniversary of us being in so much shock that we couldn't look at or talk to each other for the whole day.

Ah, memories.

My Brilliant Irrational Side

It's time for my 60,000 mile tune up. Which means $1,000 (that I don't have) to replace worn parts on my car.*

Don't get me wrong, i LOVE my gas guzzling suv.


But a part of me keeps pointing out if i sold it, i could pay off my student loans AND have enough leftover to buy a scooter.

Sigh.

*and don't even get me started on the new tires i need.

Don't Actually Eat it Though...

I recently splurged on a pair of polka dot flannel sheets.

Much to husband's relief, i bought the "masculine" set.
[yes, i realize i am using this term too loosely, but eh, i wasn't really concerned about his feelings on this]

Words cannot express how happy i am everytime i see them/climb into bed.

It's like sleeping in a sprinkles cupcake!
[see, doesn't get any more butch than that, right?]

After several attempts to take a picture to show you people, I have come to the conclusion that I must have been drunk this morning, because this is the best pic i got:


and i show you this terrible photo for a reason:
When we moved up here, my parents gave me the best gift a southerner stuck in wisconsin could get, a SUPER warm comforter and an electric tea kettle.

So even when it gets to be -15 outside, I can sip delicious hot beverages and snuggle under a canvas of downy goodness.

Unfortunately, my unwillingness to commit to purchases has caused us to never own a duvet, and we've been sleeping under the bare comforter for a full year know.
I know it's been a year, because I was lamenting about my lack of duvet, and my coworker called me out on it and pointed out that i said the EXACT same thing this time last year.

Yes, woe is me. I cannot find a beautiful comforter that i have been able to justify paying for. Don't I just have the hardest life?

So, interwebbers, I need your suggestions. Link me some awesome duvets! My tastes cover an entire spectrum of ranges, so there is no wrong answer.

And mom and dad, better start hitting the Pottery Barn outlets and giving me a full report on whats available :)

I'll be here, sitting in my cupcake, awaiting your response.

This WILL Be Mine by Spring

gorgeous.
under two grand.
this scooter makes me believe in love again.

Don't Fear the Reaper

And by 'reaper', of course i mean dentist

So, i had hinted in a prevoius post that i recently received some bad news from el diablo.
and by 'el diablo', of course i mean dentist.

When i was a kid, my parents were friends with our family dentist. I felt entirely comfortable going there regularly. She even had redhair! it felt like an extension of our family. An extension with sharp, scary pokey tools, but family nonetheless.

However, when I was 8, i had to get my first filling. Sadly, i was excited about it. My older brothers had both gotten them, and i had brilliantly deduced that fillings meant you were cool.

There i was, lying in a chair, looking up at a person i had previously trusted completely. And she took a DRILL and started hacking away at my MOUTH

i couldn't believe it! I just thought getting a cavity meant that they numbed your mouth and you got to talk funny for a couple hours. Who knew they were going to torture you first!?

Here's the kicker. They hadn't given me enough novocaine. And eight year-old me didn't want to be rude and interrupt her, so i just sat there feeling everything.

it.was.horrible. My dentist/patient relationship changed right then and there.

As a child i brushed daily, but it was a half-assed attempt.

In college, i may or may not have passed out a few too many nights before getting the chance to brush the ol' teeth.

Like every other co-ed i knew, I would go to the dentist around christmas and easter. For the mere fact that i was home and could guilt my parents into paying for the dentist visits.

I was like every other god-fearing american. I would neglect my teeth for 6mths, then brush thoroughly the night before, and sit in the chair and act surprised when the dentist told me my mouth was in bad shape.

"What? I have cavaties? That's weird because i floss everyday! "
they didn't need to know that that tradition had only started 12hrs ago...


When i became an adult*, i went to my first denist appt with my very own dental insurance! The dentist had some super high-tech equipment that apparently detects cavities when they are in their zygote phase. And he was nice enough to tell me that i had ELEVEN cavities! i could hear the "cha-ching" sounds going off in his head as he told me the estimate.

I knew exactly how to handle this information maturely and responsibly:

i quit my job, lost my insurance, and didn't go to the dentist for the next 3 years.

This year though, i could put it off no longer.
Fortunately, for the past 3 years, I have been DILIGENT about proper oral hygiene. I brush twice a day with an electric tooth brush. I floss every night. And I even use fluoride mouthwash. Seriously, i am the tooth nazi.

However, once you have cavities, you can't brush them away, so it wasn't really a shock when the dentist gave me the same news i had gotten 3 years ago.

This dentist will be able to build a nice addition to his house by the time he is done with my mouth :/

The thing that is most infuriating, is that i brush regularly, and it's basically hopeless. I really think I am prone to cavities, and it's genetics. Husbands eats way more sugars and sodas than me, and he remembers to brush his teeth about 50% of the time. AND HE'S NEVER HAD A CAVITY.

Anyhoo. Today was round 1 of fillings. My entire mouth is numb. My lips and tongue keep bumping into each other, and i have a very attractive pile of drool forming on my chin.

Needless to say, i am looking super attractive right now, and you all are jealous.

*and i use that term VERY loosely, because i am still waiting to grow-up