Not exactly an impartial jury

I realize I am biased, but is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen??

tug of war at Grammy and Buddy's house (shot on a cell phone, sorry about the poor quality)


The black old guy is Turner, Sir Topham Hat is the Puppy, and the cutest nephew ever is Simon.

hahaha

For all us Speidi haters out there, I hope this makes you as happy as it made me:




Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if these two caught it...

Birthday Recap

Greetings!! Today was John's 28th Birthday:

Unfortunately for him, I had the day off while he had to work. A co-worker played a fabulous trick on him, and told everyone it was his 30th [evil laugh]. When he got home at 4, we proceeded to have cake and presents!!







Since he'd already gotten his new laptop and tv, i just rewrapped them for him to open!

Afterwards, we embarked on the best birthday restaurant ever!!

Move over Chuck E. Cheese, the Nitty Gritty is known as the place to celebrate your birthday in Madison! When you arrive, they give you a special mug with a balloon tied to it, and you get free refills of beer or soda the whole time you're there!!!!



It's genious, at least 42 people were there for their birthday, and almost all of them had parties of over 10 people drinking and eating. Plus, you get to take the balloon and mug home with you!

On second thought, it was probably be a bad idea to take him there. Not that he doesn't appreciate a free beer, but his emphasis is on the free. He was determined to get as many as he could, and became increasingly bitter when he saw other birthday people wasting the opportunity by filling their mug with bud light.

"I guess not everyone has as refined tastes as me".



He was also presented with "the world's smallest sundae," and to give you an idea of how teeny it was, that's a petite sized spoon.



After 4 free beers for him, I was ready to go. Being the sober one can get annoying when you realize everyone else is definitely having more fun than you are. I had finally convinced him to leave, and we were almost at the door, when he turned and announced, "i want one more!"

We head back to the bar for the 5th and final freebie. Now folks, there is a tipping point in john's drinking where his talking/drinking ratio changes. He goes from being a quiet gulper, to a chatty sipper. It was the pint that never ended (although he swears it only took him 5 minutes, it's all lies).



And sadly, you can tell we're getting old because this all happened before 9:30, and we were home in time for Raymond.

Finally, here are a list of people who share John's Birth date:

Jerry Seinfeld
Bernie Madoff
Michelle Pfeifer
Daniel Day Lewis

(pretty good company...except for Madoff)

Ode to the Goog

I heart google reader. Everyday I log in and tell her that she's smart, special, and prettier than all other websites.

The Object of My Affection

There is a scene at the end of Saving Private Ryan, when Tom Hanks is about to die (but not in real life though, don't worry), and he leans over and tells Matt Damon to earn this. Meaning, that since we had to sit through a ridiculously long movie where everyone else dies and he gets to live, he needs to be worthy of it.

I am trying to earn this:



Someone who hates my waistline has brought to work the most delicate, delicious, pillowy-mound of conconut macaroons I have ever encountered.

I have already hornked down 4 of these bad boys between yesterday and today, but there are still more in the kitchen. Taunting me. Staring at me. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Telling me they want me to eat them so that they can be reunited with their siblings in my stomach.

I keep thinking I need to earn the last couple waist expanders... But i am not sure how:
-From working hard? (as I sit here at work typing a blog...)
-From working out? (ha!)
-OR, maybe just from knowing that I would appreciate them more than anyone else here (i don't see anyone else here taking pictures and writing love notes)

My Macaroon Haiku:

Oh, little Dumpling
of coconuty goodness
I think I'll eat two

Yes, I've officially gone crazy. Maybe all the drool I'm expelling has somehow affected the blood flow to my brain

Shameless Self Promotion

I'm practically famous!!!

Ladies and Gents, i have my very first "follower". Not really sure what that is, since I'm not exactly computer savvy, but I am going to assume it's like a groupie. (but one that I don't plan on exchanging sexual favors with)

A big thanks to Katy Mac for boosting my ego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was suppressing a fear that no one actually reads this jibber-jabber. I haven't gotten too many comments, so I kind of assumed i was having a one-sided conversation with the world. And as much as Husband disagrees, I actually do like hearing the other side of the conversation... sometimes. I mean, it should still be 90%-10% in my favor :)

Anyhoo, If you're actually reading this, i'd LOVE to know! By all means feel free to leave a comment or become a groupie!!

Honestly though, I'd probably still keep babbling on if it were only me reading this, but it would be nice to know that I possibly entertain others too...

I'm now Poor

Through a random series of events, we ended up at Fazoli's for dinner. mmm, nothing like cheap and greasy italian; nom nom nom.
Anyhoo, we drive about 10 feet before I announce, "i need to use the restroom." I hop out of the car in front of [Large Chain Store] and hustle to the bano while the car is still moving, leaving Husband perplexed.

Once i have emptied my bladder, i have full intention of walking outside back to the car, but i notice mom's day cards instead. After being distracted for a few minutes, I call Husband and tell him to come in and help me pick out cards. We've decided that this year we will be good children and send some (it's never to late to start right?) While we are still wandering around the store, I casually mention, "let's stop by electronics."

If you don't already know, we are one of 3 families out there that are still watching analog through a homemade aluminum foil antenna.
And hell no, i did not apply for a gov't coupon (not that i am against the discount, it just would have required planning ahead, which is something i definitely don't do).

In a previous blog, i may have hinted that Husband's upcoming birthday present was going to be tv related. In truth, I had planned on cable... but after a mere 5 minutes talking with the Charter, I was reminded of how much I hated them and I decided to leave the store before I tried to punch the sales lady in the face (see how hostile they make me?!)

So i had 2 options: buy a convertor box, or get a new tv. Between the box and antenna, I would be shelling out $80, which to me is about as purposeful as buying a new vcr or donating to dennis kussinich's presidential campaign. and after using my abacus, i realized that buying a new lcd is still cheaper than 12 mths of cable.

Who knew that me making an emergency stop to empty my bladder would result in this:



There are alot of things I can admit to: i'm loud, i make excellent salads, i fall down alot...but if there's one thing i'm not, it's spontaneous. I hold no element of surprise, so I am hoping that I have just earned HUGE bonus points for the fact that I just shelled out hundreds of dollars for an electronic husband-hypnotizer.

Gentlemen, what do you think: Bonus points???

Homeward Bound

To give you an idea of where I grew up:

http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2009/apr/24/zombies-to-prowl-beale-for-living/


Oh, the joys of home

Parents

All parents are embarrassing, we can admit that. But let me introduce you to my parents:

They match each other... every day. We are not just talking about for photo portraits or special occasions, we are talking about every single day. (please take a moment to let that sink in)

For every item of clothing on of them owns, the other owns a matching ensemble:

Having a Christmas party? They'll wear their matching flannel shirts complete with coordinating dickies (if you don't know what that is, you're missing out)

Going to the mall? Well, that would call for their matching cowboy hats a boots.

A Luau you say? No worries, Mom has a dress in the exact same fabric as Dad's Hawaiian shirt.

The list goes on. What's that you say? You don't believe me? Well, here's proof:

What day doesn't call for festive Aqua? (until mom got cold and put on a sweatshirt, but please note the socks)


It's a perfect day for our rust colored tops and pleated khakis!


The theme of the day was red and black (but this time it was Dad's turn to get chilly)



Sure, when I was a teenager I found it mortifying. I would walk 10ft behind them, and avoid sitting together at all costs... not like our identical red hair didn't give me away, but still I tried.

Now that I have matured, I just call it "quirky" (and maybe still a little mortifying :)

What about you? Anything your parents do that compares to this?

Observations on a Slow Day

Greetings! While all of you were putting your nose to the grindstone for work week day two. I was enjoying my "Saturday."


Here are some fun observations from my day:

I catch Husband trying to sneak his new laptop in with him to the bathroom!

"you're not seriously trying to take that to the crapper are you?" i chastise him.

"The newspaper industry is on its way out. How am I supposed to read the news?"

Sure, I was able to stop him, but who know's what he'll stealthily accomplish when I'm not here? Sadly, he makes a good point. What are men going to read while on the john?
I'm suddenly afraid of microscopic fecal matter, or an audible "plop" followed by cursing and electrocution.

After the electronic #2 and he left for work, I debated between real clothes or the ever popular sweat pants.

I had grandiose intentions of being productive: buy presents for Husband's upcoming birthday, play me vs. Target and see who comes out victorious (I always lose), etc...

But since it was cold and rainy, i decided to work on my posterior indention in the couch. I started to read a book around 1:30, and the next thing i know, it's 6:30!! HOW did that happen? a 5 hour blackout that I have no alibi for except, "i was reading"??? I really hope no one was murdered during that time, because I don't know how believable that is to normal people.

I decide it's time to start being productive, so I change from sweatpants to real clothes (how many of you guessed that I had gone for the elastic waistband greys? probably all of you...) and text Husband to meet me at 1/2 price margarita night across the street from our apartment.

I then debate whether or not it's acceptable to wear slippers to dinner, since it's only across the street. And despite many objections on fb, i decide to! (i tell myself that if you squint really, really hard they kind of maybe look like uggs? but they don't, i'm just kidding myself) And to all of you who are cringing at the thought of this, screw you it only made the margarita more delicious!



I then come home and somehow get this blog post stuck on UNDERLINE (and yes, i am too stupid to figure out how to fix it)

Anyway, at the end of my day i realize that, while on my blog page it looks like "apathetic fish" on my url one could confuse the title of my blog to be "a pathetic fish"

and on that note, have a great night everybody!! Damn underlining....

Dorkus McStupidname

Well, it's official. The new dog's gay*
(and we've always had questions about the original dog's sexual orientation. Because if he's not gay, he's at the very least metrosexual and bicurious).

I had asked you reader's to help name my parents new puppy. And there were some good suggestions, my personal favorite being Randolph Elkhorn the Third. Honestly, there are about a million great dog names out there, so even though my parents didn't want to use any of our suggestions, i wasn't worried. Since I knew almost any name they came up with would be sufficient.

I. was. wrong.

Please welcome to the world....(drumroll).....(pause for effect)....

Sir Topham Hat

Yes, instead of Scout, Mac, Benji, or almost any other practical name you can think of, my parents chose the most outlandish name possible.

They are planning on calling him Topper. They will now have a Turner and a Topper. Both dogs, both spaniels. And these are two people that can't even get me and brothers names straight most times.

To be fair, as previously mentioned, my nephew was campaigning very hard for aThomas the Train themed name. And while there are plenty that would suit, (Thomas, Henry, Murdock, etc) my parents decided the character they want their new puppy to emulate the most is this guy:



Way to go mom and dad, way to go


*I realize I may have inadvertently angered some gay people out there. For I doubt they would actually want themselves affiliated with the puppy's new name. I am very, very sorry. Please don't glow paint and glitter me (as I am assuming that's the gay version of tar and feather).

Choppy Choppy

It's time for me to get a hair cut. It's been time for over a month now, but I've been putting it off. I've only lived in this town for 8 months, and only gotten one haircut so far. I don't believe i am exaggerating when I say I GOT MUGGED!

It was a genuine mistake, I went to what looked like a very high-end salon. Locally owned in my neighborhood, so I could pat myself on the back for supporting the local economy. But i should have known better when they walked up holding a bottle of lotion and offered me a hand massage (for anything below my scalp, i have a very strict NO TOUCHY policy).

I walk in with hair past my shoulders, and tell her I want a bob. Nothing too drastic though, I want the hair to end below my chin. Anything higher would have been a gigantic red arrow to my double chin (who i have named Chauncey, but i digress).

She makes the expected fake: "Ooo, that sounds so cuuute!" and we begin.

she is happily hacking away at the back of my head, and I am seeing gigantic 5 inch locks falling to the floor.

I inhale deeply and calm myself. "no big deal," i think "it's been awhile since I've gotten a cut and there was a lot to chop off".

She then heads towards the front of me where Chauncey and I are waiting expectantly. She takes one cut (ONE), and pauses looking at my face...

Houston we have a problem, we have just gone from 5 inch pieces to well-over 8 inch locks. (and if you don't already know, a bob should be longer in the front than the back).

She finishes her medieval torture on my front end and realizes her mistake...

Instead of admitting or even acknowledging any wrong doing, she goes and REcuts the back of my hair!!! The haircut was at least 3 inches shorter than the length we had discussed.
It was like two BIG, GIANT, red arrows pointing at chauncey about as subtly as a vegas casino sign.

In total, my hair was about 9 inches shorter than when i had arrived. this.was.NOT.the.plan.
Honestly, if i had wanted it that short, i would have gone for the whole 10inches so i could donate it to locks of love (which I have in the past, and had planned to again someday, but not at that exact moment).

By the end, i think even she felt bad for what she had done to me, but not wanting to admit her mistake (and risk losing the commission) she instead made me listen to her drone on and on about hair products on sale. Not only did she still charge me, but had the gall to send me a thankyou postcard the next day (which john cleverly hid to avoid another tantrum)!

I left there as quick as I could and followed-up my tress disaster with a 10minute crying fest and lots of drinking. I tried to figure out a way to call in sick to work for about 2 months, but couldn't come up with one (temporary leprosy isn't as believable and one might think).

Ever since then, i've been too scared to find another salon. I've been living with this awful haircut since december (which admittedly looks better now that it's grown-out significiantly, but still, it's time to get all evidence of it chopped off).

That's the bitch about moving somewhere new, it takes so long to find your new hairdresser. And if there's one thing I don't like trial and error on, it's my head.

By the way, most hair dressers LOVE me. I have thick, shiny, red hair. I love to try totally different styles about twice a year (i.e. not boring), and I tip well. I know there is someone out there for me... There should be a match.com for hairdressers and potential clients.

My 5 Things

We've all heard of the Top 5 Game about celebrities, but in this one you are supposed to pick the 5 things that are essential to your life.

The 5 Things I can't Live Without:

1: Glasses
Or contacts, either way my eyes are useless without them. I've been told my new ones look like Sarah Palin's, Oops!

2: Rainbow Flip Flops
if there's sun outside, I'm in flip-flops. Their season has been much shorter ever since we moved to the arctic, boo.

3: My Red Hair
It's my signature item. I find it hilarious when I wear a hat and people don't recognize me.

4: Husband
Not in a lovey-dovey I need you sort of way. He's more my comic relief, he keeps me rolling on the floor (from laughter, get your head out of the gutter).

5: Internet
I was trying to decide between mindless television, email, phone, etc. and realized that the wonderful Al Gore invented internet encapsulates all those plus many more!!!

Things that barely missed the list: sarcasm, alcohol, chocolate, puppies, money...

It's harder than you think to choose just 5... What would yours be?

While I currently work in tourism, my real passion is in stationery. Although I technically have no skills, I do enjoy manipulating publisher to the best of my ability. For the past year, I have been making invitations for family and friends for a tiny profit.

(Eventually, I plan on going back to school for my associates in graphic design, but that plan is on the back burner while Husband attends grad school)

Anyhoo, My Grandma will be turning 90 this fall, and she is planning a big blow-out party. She has asked me to design a few samples, and I am sharing them with you!




















I'll update you later on which on she picks. However, i really doubt is she'll like any since they are a little too contemporary... I mean she is turning 90, so maybe she's be more comfortable with a papyrus scroll. I KID I KID!! I love my grandma!

Name the Puppy

My mean parents, knowing full well how badly i want a puppy, have decided to break my heart and buy one for themselves. I don't think it's fair, since they already have a dog.

Parents: 2
Me: 0

At this current moment, he is nameless. My 2 year old nephew has been calling him "my puppy" or whatever thomas the train engine he comes up with at the time. And as great as those names are, I think we can do better. So i am inviting all of you in cyber world to help name the pup!

Here are some pics (i know it's hard to look past my ADORABLE nephew in these pics, but look hard, there's a squirmy black and white furball there too)









So please, offer some name suggestions! All will be considered, there are no bad suggestions.
[Ex. I tried to name him Michael Jackson since he's black and white. but no, that got vetoed]

Seriously???

Ok, I am not as adept as some of you interneters, so for all i know this could have been around forever, but IS SHE FOR REAL???

Mirandasings08 has got to be one of the most entertaining things I've found on youtube lately. She a colossal bitch, but i can't figure out if she's serious or not...

The horrible lipstick is enough for me to hate her, but the singing is atrocious.

Hehe, however I have found myself impersonating her in the same key she's in (much to Husband's chagrin).

Honestly, if she's joking it's GENIUS!

(if you know the truth, please weigh in, i'm DYING to know)

***UPDATE: well, she really is an evil genius. her name's Colleen

I've been replaced

Husband has left me for someone younger, skinnier, and faster.





Ah well, can't say I blame him.

The normal one stands alone

It has come to my attention that I might not be weird enough for my new town.

I realized this as I was walking to work donning bunny ears, and no one gave me a second-glance.

In my previous towns, my stunning beauty red hair was enough to make me stand out. I was always used to people recognizing me, but alas hair color is not enough (unless it is a color not ordinarily found in nature).

In Madison it is an understood fact that everyone marches to the beat of a different drum. There are so many drums clanging that sometimes you can't even hear yourself think.

There is a quintessential hippie look, it involves grabbing at least 7 clothing items that don't match whatsoever. Also, at least 2 items worn must be handmade by someone who forgoes electricity and soap (by choice).

I am most comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt. However, I guess I need to pair that with a skirt (over my jeans of course), halter top, and homemade hat...

Of course, since everyone is "different" then technically that's the "norm". So aren't I being different by being so normal???

i heart books

It needs to be said that I love to read.

Books are my crack-cocaine. I am an addict, and sometimes I go through withdrawal. When I do get my fix, I tend to shut out the rest of the world completely. No eating, no drinking, no human interaction of any kind until the book is finished.

This is why I have to limit myself. Secretly, the husband loves that I become engrossed in a book; because this is my impression of what usually happens when he gets home:

[door opens. ATTACK HUG]
Hi! Did you miss me? Did you have a nice day at work? What did you have for lunch? Did you miss me? What do you want to do tonight? Did you miss me? We should get a puppy. HEY, do you want to eat a cake? WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME???*

*this has all happened within a 90 second period. There is no pause between these questions, not even an intake of air

Needless to say, he gets a little giddy when he comes home and I am glued to a book and don't even acknowledge his presence. He finally gets to relax, take a nap, do homework, or (god forbid) play video games.

That being said, here are some books that I could read again and again:

If any of you interneter's ever want to get back into the tangible world of books, I highly recommend any of these to ease you into the transition. Some are hilarious, some are cathartic, and many are both.

And if you ever decide that you can't stand this blog and want me to stop, just anonymously mail me a crate of books...

I'm Learning So Much

from LeVar Burton. Let me preface:

I've always tried really hard not to live beyond my means. This means no iphones, no netflix, no tivo. We don't even have our own internet, we're "borrowing" it.
It sucks. Especially at the current moment, since we've been using an analog signal to receive 6 glorious channels, but since February have been reduced to a mere 2.

Due to my job, my weekends are on Tuesday and Wednesday. Not sure if any of you employed people realize how crappy daytime tv is, but it's super horrid when you only get two choices. Ours consist of Fox and PBS.

The Fox affiliate here, in their infinite wisdom, has decided that 6 hours of nonstop court tv shows is exactly the uplifting programing it's viewers need (Sometimes I get sucked into watching them, but it just makes me depressed and vow never to bring children in this world).

So, my only option is pbs. Although at this point, i feel the need to point out i watch a lot of tv on the internet. However, sometimes I don't feel like squinting at a 13" monitor, so i just leave the tv on in the background while i try to catch-up chores.

It's been a good 15+ years since I truly watched PBS, and some things haven't changed. LeVar Burton is still hosting Reading Rainbow, and telling me that "I can fly anywhere". Of course, it's still the exact same episodes from when we were children originally aired in 1987. That way, he's as timeless as Dick Clark. [sidenote: I cannot tell you how desperate I was to be one of the kids that said, "to find out how this book ends, visit your local library." But alas, fame was never my destiny]

However, I've caught myself watching a couple shows during my alleged cleaning time. And there are a few worth mentioning. (I'm trying to make my blog unique, how many of you have a review of publicly funded programs?)



Martha Speaks: a fascinating tale about a dog who eats alphabet soup, and the letters get sent to her brain instead of her stomach, and all the sudden she can talk. (who comes up with this stuff? I bet the husband wishes there was a soup that could make me stop talking)







Word Girl: the drawings remind me of shows from cartoon network, but with a kicky educational edge. With the help of her monkey sidekick, she is able to fight the evil sandwich guy (who's head is shaped like a sandwich, mmm)





And Finally, FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman

Where the hell was this show when I was a kid? It's awesome! If I were a kid, I would watch this everyday. Who am I kidding? I'm 25, and have watched at least 4 episodes. It combines animation and reality tv. Kids compete in adventures to win crappy prizes. it's great (seriously).






Of course, odds are that the lack of options have caused my standards to be lowered so much that the black and white static has appeared entertaining. Fortunately for all of us, I am losening the purse strings just a little for John's upcoming birthday. Since he reads this I can't tell you what it is, but I can tell you that I probably won't be watching pbs kids much longer... except for Fetch! of course