there is a weird orange sphere in the sky that i don't recognize...

It looks vaguely familiar, like we knew each other in a past life or something, but I am not sure what it is.

Vacay Update thus Far: I am having the time of my life!

Long-ass Day

• 3 busses*
• 3 flights
• 2 connections in gigantic airports
  (ie-me running like a madwoman)
• $30 worth of crappy airport meals
• My view this morning:

totally worth it.

*realizing i need to know more people in this town so that i can exploit someone for a mid-day airport run...

Brotherly Love.

enjoy the following gchat conversation. you can't make this stuff up:

me: you were in a car wreck?

brother: yep

me: that sucks

brother: i am going to sue for millions and reture

reitre

retire

me: hahaha

brother: and take tpying classes

shit

Weekend Recap

normally, i don't bother reporting on my weekend escapades. I mean, how often do you guys really want to read, "watched infomercials and ate ramen"?

For some reason though, i decided to be human and socialize with other humans. First time for everything right?

On Friday, i was fully immersed in all things Mid-west.

I went ice skating, on a frozen pond. I felt like such a Wisconsiner! In Tennessee, I had never seen so much as a frozen pool, and here they have entire lakes that are iced over!

Needless to say, I looked like a complete idiot. It was basically an hour of me being hunched over, and waving my arms dramatically for balance. Shockingly though, i didn't fall! Oh, i came close several times, but it's probably hard to fall over when you are moving at the speed of negative mph's.

Afterwards, i went bowling. I guess the goal of the night was to see exactly how many pairs of rental shoes i could wear in one evening. Oh i sucked. I bowled a 63 the first game. Then, as a drunken prank, someone set up the bumpers for me. And oh, it was glorious! I bowled a 107! i realize it was a joke, but the bumpers couldn't have made me happier:)

Then, to drive the whole "you're a midwesterner now" point home, I drank copious amounts of Miller. So much so, that i decided the "bowling alley fried appetizer sampler" looked marvelous, and i should (nay, MUST) order it and subsequently devour it. (it was not good. shocking, i know)

Saturday, a feud i have been nurturing for several weeks finally came to a head. My messy apartment and I have been playing Chicken ever since christmas. (and i just totally linked you the footloose chicken scene, you're welcome). The apartment was determined to stay messy, I decided that i'd be damned if i caved first.

The place was disgusting. I mean, if a burglar had broken in, i would have found myself apologizing profusely for the mess, and showing him where the valuables were since it was impossible to find anything in here.

So finally, i caved first. and I went on a cleaning binge. i was determine, i was focused, i was a tornado of teeth and nails. Two loads of laundry, 6 sinkfuls of dishes, and 3 hours of cleaning (with the help of a wonderful friend:), and i finally could see the floor again! yahoo hooray! (we'll see how long this can last... I mean, it will last for at least 9 days by default, because i won't be here:)

That evening i went out to dinner with coworkers. I had been going through withdrawals and was missing them dearly. (I guess technically, i am supposed to demote them from "coworkers" to "friends". But... i think i'll keep calling them coworkers. It was their original title, and they've held the position for a year and a half.) It was a wonderful evening, and pledges to see each other more often were made all around.

Sunday, I worked on a project i am making for a silent auction. People from around madison were asked to create and donate items for a silent auction. I have absolutely no idea why i am part of this group, except to say, "i know a guy" (she says in a pathetic italian accent while scratching her chin). Anyway, I am donating a collection of stationery.

After tapping into my creative juices, I went to my second ever Zumba class.
whoa.
This one was a wee bit longer than an hour, and let me tell you those extra 15 minutes are hard. Not to mention that the instructor was 1000x's more intense than the first one. But I noticed that not one thing on her entire body jiggled, so whatever she does must work. I will DEFINITELY be back.

The weekend ended with watching a little football (sidenote: we must all cheer for peyton now), and fueling my secret addiction of masterpiece theater*. I watched Emma for the first time, and all i could think the whole time was, "this is the movie Clueless!"

It seems that clueless stole the plot from Emma verbatim. Just replaced the words "ye olde" and "fortnight" , with "like" and "totally".

It was still thoroughly enjoyable, and i can't wait to watch the exciting conclusion next sunday at 9/8 central :)

Needless to say, it was a fully enjoyable weekend. how was yours?

and now, i will be running around like a madwoman for the next 24hrs while i get ready to leave for paradise.

* i love it. Masterpiece classics are wonderful. and yes, I am 87 years old. why do you ask?

Countdown

only three days:

can.not.wait.

Words to Live By

"I hate cynicism. It’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. "

-Conan O'Brien

To Whoever Invented the Concept of "Mall Kiosk"

i hate you.

I'm with CoCo!

The Tonight Show has been RIDICULOUSLY hilarious lately.

If you haven't been watching it, you should.

(go ahead. right now. i'll wait...)

Anyhoo, i just got really excited at the fact that he and i will be unemployed together!

Maybe we'll become ginger-haired bff's.

We can sit on the couch, drink our malt liquor, and yell at the tv.

Stupid peacock, what a waste.

I Wanna Quit the Gym!

My life has been going through some drama lately.

My gym life.

Upon moving here, i knew that one of my goals would be to lose all my extra poundage that i had accquired.

On the second day i lived in madison, i marched up to Curves and joined.

And honestly, it's a great at what it is:

a 30 minute circuit training program designed for sedimentary middle-aged women.

I was a member for a year and half. and during that time, i went regularly for 6mths, sparingly for 4, and not at all for 6. I hadn't been at all since September, but was still paying my membership fee everymonth.

It was time to quit.

As much as i enjoyed the workout, i wanted a place where I could mix-it-up a little. I wanted to be able to get on a treadmill, and just walk for miles. I wanted to be able to take some different classes. I wanted to have options.

So i've found a new place, and it's been great! I am loving the cardio machines, and i've been trying new classes.

zumba was tonight, yoga tomorrow.

Zumba was fun. The hour went by super fast. Of course, I struggled with the coordination part. But fortunately, my belly dancing prowess helped.

It was the same moves, but to latin music (... and a couple songs from glee .... and i'm embarrassed that i recognized them)

Really looking forward to my first yoga experience tomorrow. I've been told repeatedly that i need to find outlets to handle my stress (i have an irish temper, yo. It comes with the hair), so hopefully it will help me mellow out.

I'm almost at a HUGE milestone in my weightloss goal (not ready to admit to the world what that is, since i don't want to jinx it, but let's just say it's something i haven't accomplished in YEARS). And i'll fully admit, i'm becoming addicted to exercise. it's awesome, i never realized it could be as fulfilling as ice cream (...and it's not, but almost:)

Officially, I think i have also moved into a new, exciting chapter of fitness. I think i have moved from fat to thick.

In my brilliant definition:

• Fat is when you have extra rolls, lumps, or bumps that don't belong.
• Thick is when you are essentially the correct shape, just a larger circumference than you'd prefer.

So there it is world, I'm happy with my shape, just not it's current circumference.

oh! and one last thing, i am COMPLETELY in love with the shoes. I think they were sent from heaven.

PANDA WATCH!*

*i hope all of you get the Anchorman reference, or else you're not my friend.

This was emailed to me. It's kinda cute, definitely worth 5 minutes of your time. (i like animals)

Does this log make my butt look fat? Betcha can't see me..... Oops! Slight miscalculation. You go. I'll just stay here and rest my head a little bit. The perfect day for a panda...

GPOYW

I've been living in my bed for the past week, watching showtime shows on netflix -edition

(shellbell needs a hobby....probably several)

Free Love and All That Crap.

Something smells like a dirty hippie.

Turns out, it's me.

I booked a last-minute massage today, and the combination of essential oils the masseuse slathered on me made me smell like i bathed in patchouli.

All day, I've been turning around expecting to see a dread locked, hemp-wearing, friendly stoner asking me to sign a petition for the injustices in [enter foreign place here].

Imagine my surprise when there's no one behind me, and it's I who smells like 3 days at bonaroo.

not so much my favorite scent, me thinks a shower is due.

Is It Getting Hot in Here?

Brett Favre singing Pants on the Ground might be the hottest thing i have seen. ever.

Seriously, if it turns out being a Vikings v. Colts super bowl, i might explode.

That would be the most delicious football game. ever.

Enjoy the following deliciousness:

Shameful Negligence.

I realized it's been awhile since I've had a legitimate blog post.

(preferably one that contains more than 6 words, or took more than 7 seconds to create)

The truth is, i just really don't feel like anything worth mentioning is going on in my life.

Unemployment has caused me to be bored out of my mind.

Throw in this prepetual cold i seem to have acquired.

and you have one sad shellbell.

I'm thinking about changing my name to Sneezy McGee.

i think it suits me better than my current name.

I don't have too much to share (...of course, that's never stopped me before)
So, i will work on finding ways to spin my useless life into some form of useless story.

It's all about your happiness and entertainment, right?

So stay posted, and pretty soon you'll have more useless drivel than you can handle.

I Got a Schrute Buck!

GPOYW

Arrrrrrrgh! -edition

Lord knows I don't write much on pop culture. It doesn't really go with my "mediocre" vibe i've got going here. But there are a few too many topics that have been getting under my skin, and I am in need to vent about:

First of all, Team Conan all the way!!!

jay leno is not funny. beyond that, if you say you're going to retire, you should do that! (ahem, except for favre. when you look that good in a pair of wranglers, you can do whatever the hell you want....call me!) But really, how would he have felt if, 7months after he got the show, Johnny Carson decided he wanted the show back?

Secondly, i got sucked in and watched an episode of The Bachelor

ugh. I was literally YELLING at the tv! it was horrible. i can't believe people watch this shiz. And beyond that, do the viewers honestly think this is love? Usually there is someone here to take the remote from me when I get worked up about how terrible a program is, but sadly not the other day. So for 2 hours it was me yelling and making gagging sounds while silicone enhanced idiots were sucking face. never.again.

Thirdly, Sarah Palin as a FOX commentator.

I have no words. two things that i despise most in this country have joined forces. bleh.

And finally, coach lane kiffin is leaving ut (my alma mater).

I actually never even saw a news article about this, i just needed to rely on the 300+ facebook updates regarding it. he was only there one season. i mean, i never like the guy. Honestly, i think we'll be better off without him. but still, what a douche.

My mom, always wanting to be topical, sent me a fb message about it:

Mom:

So you and Kippin might be on the same plane to
cal, ha.

Me:

uh, his name is kiffin. And i am having serious issues about this right now. If you're going to mock, get the name right...

Mom:

he was there so short of a time I couldn't remember his name...

haha. I guess we all know where i get my love of ellipses from...

And the absolute worst part is, while i was spending way too much time thinking about this stuff, i didn't spend a moment to reflect on the devastating earthquake in Haiti. So now I think I'll go hide under a rock a feel guilty about that for awhile.

No One Ever Warns You

About going to the store thirsty.

The One that Got Away.

I didn't buy this one, but i did try it on. i couldn't stop staring at myself. It made my boobs and toosh look huge (in the best possible ways) I loooved it. I won't be purchasing it, since i have no occasion to wear it to.

but i was totally calling it my "mad men" dress.
I suddenly wanted a martini, typewriter, and torrid affair with my boss.

well, maybe i just wanted the dress...

I Probably Shouldn't Have

But i did anyway!

i went shopping...

• unemployment=sad
• sad -> needs cheering up
• shopping= cheering up
  ergo:
• unemployment=shopping

see? the math doesn't lie.

besides, i need new clothes for my vacation...at least that's what i keep telling myself.

Because Sometimes...

you just need to hide in a coat closet.

Dear Sickness,

oh, hi there disease. Just wanted to take a moment and say a big thank you for waiting until i was jobless, and had nothing else going for me in my life before your rear your ugly head.

It's really easy to keep a positive outlook when you have gravel in your throat and your nose is a leaky faucet.

Feel free to take any remains of dignitiy i had with you, just be sure to close the door on your way out.

Thanks again,

a (very) pathetic fish

Mandatory Furlough.

I if you feel shocked by my unemployment, i'm sorry i didn't properly warn you.

In order to keep some semblance of privacy, i've tried to not give away too many specific details about where i work. (but you do know that it's downtown, and that i adore it)

Anyway, I'm not surprised by my lack of having a job. I've known about it for a long time now.

I may have chosen to ignore and live in a fantasy world, but I was aware of it's impending doom.

Fortunately, it's temporary.

I will be re-employed (by the same company) at some point.

So rather than call it unemployment, i've been putting whatever positive spin on it i can.

We call it a hiatus, unpaid vacation, "being on a break", a mandatory furlough.

The real bitch of all this is finding ways to spend the days in the meantime.

I've joined a new gym, so hopefully that will allow me to waste some time.

The bookclub (which was a big FAIL in '09) is experiencing a revival.

and I'm looking into volunteer and temping opportunities
(so email me if you need a seat-warmer with opposable thumbs at your organization)

And the thing i'm most excited about...

I booked myself a vacation!

I haven't had a real one since I moved here. I happened to have a free flight voucher from an airline, and now that i have all this free time, I decided it was perfecting timing!

I'm heading to Santa Barbara and Scottsdale with the fam.

I am waaaay too excited about sunshine, warm weather, and fun with the relatives.

But the part i am most looking forward to:

My very first In and Out Burger experience!

I've been told about this magical establishment many times, and i am so so ready to try it for myself! (let's just hope i don't build it up too much in my head. the poor place wouldn't have a chance, it would be doomed to fail)

so stay tuned friends, I'll keep you posted on my upcoming jobless boredom

and if you have any burger ordering tips, i would appreciate them

Unemployment Celebratory Beer.

but just one, cause that's all i can afford.

Two Reasons I've Been in Madison Too Long.

1) on facebook, everyone from memphis (my hometown) was complaining about the snow and how they can't get to work. (it snowed half an inch, and barely stuck on the ground)

And all i could think was, "suck it up! I just walked through 5inches of snow, and waited for a bus for 20minutes in 12 degree weather...without wearing pants!"

2) (regarding the lack of pants) I really needed to do laundry last night... but obviously i am lazy and chose not to. I had one more pair of clean underwear, and decided i'd be damned if i did laundry a day too soon. So this morning, even though i had clean drawers on, i appeared to be lacking any actual clean clothing.

Now, when i first moved here i had a certain set of apparel "rules" i lived by: What is appropriate to wear in public, etc. And over the course of this year and half, i have seen those rules fly (nay, soar) out the window.

Case and point: last year for halloween i went to the thrift store and bought an outfit to be pippie longstocking. It was something i would never wear in normal life, but totally deemed it appropriate for the holiday.

This morning, i was desperate for clothing, and a could have worn sweats, but instead decided, "no, i'll wear my halloween costume. it will totally work" So i put on a beige jumper that i had formerly paired with knee socks and pointy braids.

And the thing is, i rocked it. That's what i love about Madison. you can wear whatever the hell you want, and no one can question it. Whatever you put on, it's not mere clothing, it's a fashion choice.

And today, i chose to go pantless and pretend it was halloween '08.

You're jealous.

GPOYW

You're so, so welcome.

What.The.Hell.

Great. now I'm going to have to check under my bed for monsters and sleep with garlic and a crucifix. Thanks for the nightmares, facebook.

My Favorite Winter Foods.

broccoli cheddar soup

lentil soup

red beans and rice

shrimp and grits

chili

chicken tortilla soup

potato soup

Realizing this post could easily be titled Things in a Bowl

This is Very Privileged Information.

Sure, some blogs give you well-thought-out legitimate recipes.
But not your apathetic fish.
Here is my recipe for chocolate peanut butter rice crispy treats

1. Take a picture of yourself looking cute in your apron

2. Notice all the scraggly hairs,
and make the smart decision to put it in a ponytail
no one wants your hair in their dessert
(...although if the follicles taste as good as they smell, then they are probably deeeeelicious)

3. Make rice crispy treats according to the usual recipe
margarine, marshmallows, melt. yadda yadda yadda.

4. during this whole time, have a cute little double boiler simmering away
i don't know why they call it double "boiler" when recipes always tell you
NOT to boil. it should be called a double gentle simmer-er

5. Inside your "cute little double gentle simmer-er"
add 2/3 of a bag of milk chocolate chips
and a generous dollop of peanut butter
Creamy not chunky. I use a reduced sugar one
since the rest of the recipe is already so sweet.

Pretty gross in it's "before" stage, eh?
But look how pretty when it's all melted together!

6. Decide that it looks soo good, you just have to take a taste.

Yum! totally worth it!

7. Once your rice crispies have started to set,
spread your delicious concoction all over it.
Normally, i would be doing this in a 9x13 pyrex dish...
but i realized it was in my car.
and it is WAAAY to cold for me to run outside to get it,
so a cookie sheet will have to do.
We'll just call it "rustic"

8. Stare at it longingly for the whole night, and try to convince yourself that the party's not worth it and you should eat it all yourself. Coworkers are overrated, right?