the scary-memphis-tornado-like-rain ruined my plans today. so this is what i did instead.

GPOYW.

i LOVE this kid! -edition

and for an encore:

this is what happens when you give 3 yr old a camera -edition

Below the Mason-Dixon

The prodigal southerner has returned!!!

on a crazy whim i decided to drive home to memphis (literally, like 2 days ago, decided)

my unemployment days are dwindling down, and with the arrival of summer, i have a lot of weekends already booked. so this was the perfect (and only) time to visit home!

i don't know what i was thinking. it's 700 miles, and over 11 continuous hours of driving!

considering i get antsy after 30mins in the car, this wasn't my brightest idea ever.

i arrived in memphis in one piece. well, physically at least. my mental state has been shattered due to the mind-numbing tediousness of the drive. seriously midwest, get some scenery.

oh, that reminds me:

dear illinois,

if i am expected to pay tolls the whole.effing.way. then i expect the roads to suck less! get your act together. i expect this to be rectified by the time i drive back next week, thank you.

dear southern missouri,

wow. just wow. when, exactly, did you get annexed by arkansas? i had no idea.

i especially loved the "gas station" i stopped at that offered no windshield washing fluid or diet soda options, but provided every kind of liquor known to man.

dear bored kids playing the license plate game,

i'm glad i could help.

it took me exactly 12 hours. and i don't think i'll ever be crazy enough to attempt this drive again solo. next time i will fully embrace the buddy system.

but, truth be told, i kinda feel like a badass. i mean, i just drove across the country by myself, what can't i accomplish???

and on a related note, i am never getting in a car again. ever. if i can't walk or bike there, i ain't going.

but it doesn't matter, because i made it! i'm here! and i'm looking forward to this, and this, and this...and possibly this (and some of these)

How to Have Fun on a Saturday*

go to the cabin for tam's birthday

have someone give you your drinks in a sippy cup as a joke. and realize it's the best idea ever and you spilled less than normal (but still managed to spill some)

make bad decisions

go to "the dirty turtle"

make some more bad decisions.

and somehow get 3 pitchers of beer, but only pay for one.

GREAT weekend! happy birthday tam!

*also known as: how to feel like crap on sunday

dang-it!

blerg!
ok, so i may or may not have a really old hair dryer.

and it may or may not have lost the filter on the back of it.

and my hair may or may not occasionally get sucked it and stuck.

and i may or may not have to yank out the strands,

that may or may not get torn to a very short length.

but...

that does not excuse my hair for being only two inches long, and refusing to go anywhere but up!!!

Peek Inside.

I've been tagged y'all.

so you want to peek inside my brain purse, eh?

Well, here you go!

inside my faux alligator bag, you will find:

• wallet
• keys
• barnes and nobles gift card (for $40. cha-ching!)
• a check to deposit and a bill to pay (the two kinda go hand-in-hand)
• my favorite koozie
• my ridiculously outdated cellphone
• chapstick
• pen
• some stickers from trader joe's
• sun glasses

I feel the need to mention, that whenever i switch purses, i only start with 3 things: phone, wallet and keys. so although this may not look like too much to you guys, it's a ton of stuff to me.

did you enjoy that little insight into my world? i'll let your mind wander about the koozie and the stickers...

oh, and i am supposed to tag some people next! so i choose: katy mac, elle michelle, and abby!

GPOYW.

i live a life of leisure -edition

Don't Call it a Comeback

getting back on this beauty felt like 'warm apple pie'.

PANIC.

oh good lord! all this time i thought i had unlimited texting!!!

turns out, i don't.

and i found that out the hard way, when a bill with a very large "overage" fee came to my door.

Ahhhh! panic. panic. panic.

more than willing to sell my blood or hair to pay this thing. any takers?

anyone? anyone? bueller? bueller?

i will definitely be stopping by the store to see what my options are.

until then, i will be in the corner sobbing and biting off all my nails.

Rainy days make me wish i looked this cute.

GPOYW.

stressed! (this is how i'm coping) -edition

Easter Weekend Recap

What's that? i promised you a recap of my weekend, and i'm actually going to follow-through and provide it? whoa. is the sky falling? do you even know what to do with yourself now??

This year was an interesting easter. I didn't have any plans whatsoever and was bummed about the concept of spending it alone and basically glossing-over the holiday.

enter lisa.

I've known this girl for longer than i'd like to admit (15 years... it makes me realize that i am, in fact, aging and am not the youthful adolescent i picture myself as). she's just so lucky that i befriended her in a middle school science class, and i'm sure she tells herself that everyday.

in high school we were totally "bffs4eva!" back when we knew everything there was to know about anything. and i occasionally weasel my way back into her life when i can :)

since i suck, i didn't take any pictures of her and i this weekend(or of any human for that matter, but i am now the proud owner of 22 pictures of their dog)

so instead, i used my amazing talents and microsoft paint to create an artist's rendering of what we look like:

as you can see:

i'm taller.

she's tanner.

i'm a little more hippie.

she's a little more cosmopolitan. (which i have clearly illustrated in the garment choices)

Anyway, lisa was nice enough to invite me to her and dave's place in chicago for easter.

It was them, their family, and me. Fortunately, i have years of experience sneaking my way into her family's functions, so this was nothing new (nothing like a traditional passover meal with the token irish redhead...)

i had a blast. I was basically in chicago for 24hours. within moments of arriving, champagne corks were popped. then gossip was passed. more drinking ensued. and at some point i ate enough to match my caloric intake for an entire month.

Dave cooked us an amazing meal on sat night, and then we went to brunch on easter where we sat next to a real live celebrity (i know. my life is so glamorous. hobnobbing with celebs and whatnot.)

although i only stayed for one night, my suitcase looked as though i planned on staying for 10. and i'm pretty sure i managed to try on everything i brought...twice. don't judge.

I always have so much fun when i visit them, and then i kick myself for not going more often

(i am averaging about once a year. for some reason i always make the drive from madtown to chicago seem like a bigger deal than it is. it's only 120 miles, 2 hours. I need to take advantage of my unemployed, leisure lifestyle, and get back there sooner than later.)

so thanks again lisa and dave! and next time, dinner's on me!

Easter!

I hope you had a wonderful easter, mine was great. recap to come soon, but until then, here's the story of my easter basket*

The bunny must have decided that hopping all the way to wisconsin would be too difficult. So he air mailed my basket instead.

i got chocolates...

and a bunny (to whom i showed no mercy)...

and he also tried to kill me

i'm allergic to almonds. way to go bunny, might as well have sent anthrax

but i threw them away so it's all good...

and some fun alma mater cocktail napkins...

a sewing kit (i was in desperate need of one)...

a little old lady paint-by-number set...

umm, what? 26 isn't that old, bunny. and it's "apathetic" not "pathetic"**

and a deviled egg tray...

this is officially the 3rd egg tray i've been gifted. i would like to now state, for the record, that i don't need anymore :)

i got a cute easter dish towel and some coffee...

and my niece mailed me a care package full of reese's pieces...

she has incredible penmanship for a 1 year old. I'm pretty sure she's a genius.

Needless to say, i loooved all my little presents (thanks bunny!) and I also love the fact that me being 26 in no affects whether or not i can expect a basket to magically arrive to me on easter :)

I hope you guys had a fantastic easter weekend as well!

*no, i didn't technically get anything i had asked for. but you know what? no one said bunnies were literate. Besides, i am happy to receive presents in all forms.

**ok fine, sometimes it is "pathetic"...a lot of the time, actually.

Poor Little Bunny Never had a Chance

and if you bite his ears off, he can't hear you coming!





Have a great easter weekend, y'all!

He Can Dance if he Wants To*

This was posted on my facebook page. It cracks me up that when people see kids crying, they remember to pass it along to me because they know i'll get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

*and what kind of friend would i be if i didn't link this for you?

My Actual Conversation at the Grocery Store:

the following conversation took place in the salad dressing aisle*:

[hipster lady does a double-take at me]

Hipster Lady: Is that your real hair color?

Me: Yes, it is.

Hipster Lady: You bitch.

[and then she walks away]

The end.

*i went to the store to buy ingredients to make 'marinated veggies' for the cookout yesterday. i had full intentions of posting the recipe for you, but gobbled it all up before i bothered to take any pictures. so i guess i'll just have to make it again soon...darn.

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