I'll be going along, minding my own business, when suddenly a salty-liquid starts pouring out of my tear ducts. I hear the gasping sobs, and find myself shocked to realize they're coming from my own mouth.
My therapist pointed out that this is the worst kind of anniversary for me.
It's been a year.
A Year since the hardest part of my life (to date).
It's been a year.
A Year since the hardest part of my life (to date).
In one month's time, I was passed up for a promotion at work, moved home to take care of my dad after major surgery, and flew back to have my husband tell me he was leaving me for someone else.
I think it has to do with the seasons changing. It's automatically reminding my subconscious of the anniversary of doom, even though I'm trying so hard to ignore it.
I try not to think about it. I've come so far in the past year, but still. A month like that would crush the strongest of people (and I am not, in any capacity, the strongest of people).
I'm shocked by what i've accomplished, but i've still got a long way to go.
I'm shocked by what i've accomplished, but i've still got a long way to go.
And i'm not coping well. i mean, technically i'm fine. But rather than be social, i'd rather sit alone in quiet contemplation. I've definitely been eating my feelings. Thank you, 11 pounds i've gained since starting back to work. (the 11 straight weeks of overtime hasn't helped either. it's literally impossible to time-manage my life right now)
i know that there are times to be sad, and times to be joyful. And i guess i'm coming to accept that, for me, this might just be a time to be sad.
If there's anything i've learned in this past year, it's that it's like the tide, and even though it's high now, it will fade.
I just hope it's sooner than later.
I just hope it's sooner than later.
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3 comments:
I think you are an amazing person. I'm so sorry you are having a bad month.I hate October, if it's any consolation. I read somewhere that in every lifetime and family there is a bad year where terrible things are dumped on you all at once (or one right after another). SO it sounds like your really bad year all happened in October. But when you think about everything you accomplished last year (oh, I dunno, and ENTIRE lifestyle transformation plus a quest for sweet happiness), the shear suck-i-tude of last October was the catalyst of all that exciting change.
I have something else to say but I'll message you from the privacy of the facebook message. At any rate, I think you are a truly fabulous chick. I hope November 1st brings lots of glorious happiness back into your awesome world. Speaking of world, I'm wishing you all the love in said world. I'm certainly sending you all of mine .
Saying you had a difficult year is an understatement. You went through the worst of the worst -- and somehow managed to come out of it. You are strong, grounded and awesome. I'm proud of you and I personally think you're entitled to bawl, drink, rage, cry and/or scream just to let it out. Also, whenever you want a change of scenery, come to Chicago. Seriously. I'd love a houseguest and it sounds like you could also use a few puppy kisses.
I think you are strong and amazing.
Also, I can't believe it's been years since we have seen each other. If you ever need a retreat in North Carolina, it would be nice to have a reunion. :)
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