wisconsin.

What else do i need to do to be considered an actual wisonsiner? (in lieu of, you know, actuallygetting my wisconsin driver's license)

my list of accomplishments thus far:

• head-up north to a cabin for the weekend (done, several times over)
• go to a brewer's game
• call all illinois drivers fib's. (or the even more creative fishtab*)
• go to a packer's game
• go ice skating
• drink wisconsin beer
  
• say, "oh yeah, you betcha" all the time

Things i still need to do:

• go to a uw football game
• and hockey game
• visit door county
• tour more breweries
• visit the northwoods and great lakes

there's parts of me though, that will always be southern.

beyond my well-documented affection for the word "y'all", i still can't stifle certain parts of my upbringing. for example:

i was hosting knitting club the other week (no, i can't knit, but i'm really good at drinking wine while other people knit), so a friend and i went and picked up snacks. When we got back to my apartment, she just opened the bags of chips, and pulled the lids off the dips, and, figuring we were done, set them on the coffee table.

"Friend!", i chastised her, "that is not how we provide snacks for a gathering".

I proceeded to place everything in/on platters, thus making myself much happier.

did the food taste any better? no

did it quadruple the amount of dishes i dirtied? yes

but, being the fine southern woman that i am, i just can't accept the idea of not making my life appear nicer for company.

y'all should just be glad i didn't require sweet tea and cheese straws.

so eff it, maybe i'll never be a mid-westerner. but i'm becoming a pretty great hybrid of the two cultures. and hybrids are super trendy right now, right?

*f**king illinois sh*t head towing a boat

Ohh Boy.

first off, let me just say that while i realize that mentioning the yucky turn my life has taken was necessary, i really hate that it's what my blog has become. I knew that i needed to update you on that significant part of my life, but i also know that the purpose of this blog is for me to write about the meaningless drivel that occupies my brain. so let's get back to the basics, shall we?

secondly, i owe you all an apology. i know i've been ignoring you. there are many factors, not the least of which that my new job has left me an exhausted, shell of a human being. but i am working on it, and i will try to give you more of my time. you deserve it! so here goes nothin...

My parents have been talking about renovating their house for as long as i've known them. i never really thought much about, since they're big talkers...not so much big doers.

this past year though, their talking has been on steroids. everytime i see my dad, we've been going to the stores, looking at options for how to remodel parts of the house.

he even took it one step further and actually started purchasing items. Now, my father is not known to part with his wallet too often. so this step, this was cause for alarm.

but again, he was only buying items when he would find them on super sale. and i just knew it would take him years to buy up everything.

Besides, they have a habit of buying things on sale that they may need for their "future".

Have i told you about the dishwasher that was purchased 10 years ago, that still hasn't been installed because it's for their next house? seriously, it's still sitting in their garage. don't believe me? go check it out. i'll wait...

So finally, my dad actually makes the plunge. he announces that he's going to start work on the house.

The first job? remodeling the upstairs bathroom.

In the big scheme of things, the plan is remodel all 2 and 1/2 baths. redo the 1st floor floors (wood, with radiant heat) and redo the kitchen.

Mom has insisted that he finish the upstairs bathroom, so that they can move into the second floor, while the first floor is demolished.

So i get this picture a few days ago:

the next day, i get this one:

with the caption, "progress?"

to which i (obviously) respond, "what's the difference?"

My dad, god bless him, tells me, "i made the hole bigger"

oy vey.

Today (3 days later) i get this picture:

"what??? dad, where's the tub???"
(that was the only part he was planning on keeping, you see)

"eh. i decided to get rid of it. make it a 1/2 bath"

have i mentioned, dear readers, that this is the only bathroom on that floor, and that there are three bedrooms?????

"Dad, you have to have a tub! where would i bathe when i'm home"

"you sound just like your mother"

"well, she's a smart lady. listen to her on this one"

His response? This:

with the caption, "i just can't stop myself"

oh lord. help me. did i mention i'm going home for christmas?

....can i stay with your family?

Update

wow. thanks for the outpouring of support, guys.
I appreciate all the comments, calls, emails, i really do.
and honestly, I'm ok. It's just that my overall happy nature is being overshadowed by sadness a few times a day. I'll be driving down the road minding my own business when i start crying for no apparent reason. hopefully this will subside soon. I mean, it's not even a hormonal thing. (gah, i'm such a woman sometimes)

Beyond that, there's a few things i've done lately to try to cheer myself up.
Most importantly, I went skydiving.

It was awesome. amazing. indescribable. and addictive.

I was on an adrenaline high for days. all i kept thinking was, "i jumped out of a f*cking airplane, i can do anything!"

I really thought this would be a once in a lifetime thing, but now i can't wait to do it again.

(yeesh, wishing i could be hooked on a less expensive hobby)

And, in other news, I've been doing quite a bit of retail therapy. my debit card is currently giving me the silent treatment. she's exhausted. I've gone overboard on boot shopping.

beyond that, i'm really enjoying fall in wisconsin. I was in a depressed fog this time last year, so i feel like i missed out on all of it. This year, i'm trying to make the most of it.
Just the other day i had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season...things are looking up.

Truth.

I've been breaking into spontaneous tears lately.

I'll be going along, minding my own business, when suddenly a salty-liquid starts pouring out of my tear ducts. I hear the gasping sobs, and find myself shocked to realize they're coming from my own mouth.

My therapist pointed out that this is the worst kind of anniversary for me.

It's been a year.

A Year since the hardest part of my life (to date).

In one month's time, I was passed up for a promotion at work, moved home to take care of my dad after major surgery, and flew back to have my husband tell me he was leaving me for someone else.

I think it has to do with the seasons changing. It's automatically reminding my subconscious of the anniversary of doom, even though I'm trying so hard to ignore it.

I try not to think about it. I've come so far in the past year, but still. A month like that would crush the strongest of people (and I am not, in any capacity, the strongest of people).
I'm shocked by what i've accomplished, but i've still got a long way to go.

And i'm not coping well. i mean, technically i'm fine. But rather than be social, i'd rather sit alone in quiet contemplation. I've definitely been eating my feelings. Thank you, 11 pounds i've gained since starting back to work. (the 11 straight weeks of overtime hasn't helped either. it's literally impossible to time-manage my life right now)

i know that there are times to be sad, and times to be joyful. And i guess i'm coming to accept that, for me, this might just be a time to be sad.

If there's anything i've learned in this past year, it's that it's like the tide, and even though it's high now, it will fade.

I just hope it's sooner than later.

GPOYW.

A triumphant return to the blogosphere...no?

Goals*

[to be accomplished by the end of next summer]

• couch to 5k
• lose 20 more lbs
• get-up on water skis
• go on a vacation
• skydive
• pay off credit card

*subject to change throughout the year

It's True

There's a topic i've been avoiding on this blog for a long time...

John and I aren't together anymore.

I'm guessing you've figured it out, but if not, i can tell you that we've been separated since october.
It sucks, yes. But i don't want to dwell on it. I don't want to humiliate him on here. I don't want to play the blame game. I know what happened, and that's enough.

yes, I tried to make amends. I tried so hard. but eventually, i realized that i am a catch. and i want to be with someone who wants to be with me. not someone who feels obligated.

someone who wakes up every morning and thinks how lucky they are to have me.
how they don't deserve me, but they're so glad i chose them.

and i will find that, when i'm ready.

Until them, i'm relearning about myself (sidenote: therapy and alcohol are wonderful coping mechanisms)

and i've found something i haven't felt in awhile.... I'm happy

and for now, that's more than enough.