Apathetic Fish

Oh God, what have i done?

2011-04-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

I am not an athlete.

Sure, i've finally learned that frequent exercise is the key to healthy living. And sure, I'd like to live a long, healthy life.

But exercise isn't something i generally look forward to. It's something i do because i need to.

And yet, if you looked at my calendar for the next week, you'd think exercise.was.my.life.
Seriously, you'd think i eat, sleep, and breathe workouts. Check it:

Tomorrow morning (at SIX am!): Couch to 5k-week 5, workout 2
Tomorrow night: Adult Kickball League
Friday evening at 6pm: Couch to 5k- week 5, workout 3
Sunday morning: Hot yoga
Monday midday: couch to 5k- start week 6! (fingers crossed)
Monday evening: Pole Dancing Class (groupon...my parents will be so proud)
Tuesday night: Beach Volleyball League
Wednesday night: Couch to 5k
Thursday night: Kickball
Friday night: Couch to 5k

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

I seriously have no idea how i'm going to survive this! If you've got tips, i'm all ears*

*hopefully, i'll finally start seeing some RESULTS! i mean, i have to. clearly there's no time for me to eat in between!

follicles.

2011-04-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a factual statement: I used to have great hair.

I'm serious. It was soft, voluminous, and unique. Women paid $$$ to replicate it, and it turned the most glorious shade of copper in the sunlight.

Sigh, but that is a past tense statement.

You see, my tresses were born and raised in The South. Unlike most woman, it absolutely thrived in humidity. It kept it moisturized, and -rather than being frizzy- made it just poofy enough.

My hair absolutely sucks at living in The Midwest. It's flat, it's stringy, and it's unwilling to cooperate in anyway. (g'ah, it's such a woman sometimes!)

There is a mop on my head, posing as my hairstyle.

I'm fed-up, and i've tried almost everything i can think of.

I'm close to waiving the white flag of surrender. I'll just live in the glory days of my past, and remind you all that, I used to have great hair.

(moment of silence for the hair. I think i hear Taps playing in the far-off distance)

c25k

2011-04-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

I've been doing the Couch to 5k- a training program that ideally changes lazy-admirers like me into runners. In nine weeks, you should go from a non-runner, to successfully running a 5k.

I'm not an athlete, but the idea of running a 5k has always appealed to me. I might not enjoy running, but i do enjoy teeshirts. So signing up for a 5k seems like the perfect way to fuel my addiction.

I've been doing it for 6 weeks. In theory, i should be 2/3 of the way done, but i'm not.

Not even close.

Turns out, i am terrible at running. I mean, awful. When you start this program, you think: "i only have to run for 60 seconds. Even i can do that!"
But for me, it's not true. I'm must have missed a very essential day in P.E. where we were taught how to run.

Here's how my workout has broken down:
(realtime:workout)

week 1: week 1
week 2: skipped (out of town)
week 3: week 2....poorly
week 4: repeat week 2....slightly better
week 5: week 3....poorly
week 6: repeat week 3, but outside!

At this rate, i'll hopefully be done with the 2 month program before 2011 ends.

But i recently learned that i prefer running outside. Who knew? I mean, granted my "run" is probably slower than an average person's "walk", but... it's babysteps* people!

I'll keep you posted on how i do...but i'm pretty sure that by the time i'm finished the internet will have been replaced by cooler technology, so i'm not sure how i'll contact you; but we'll cross that bridge when i run across it!

*which, ironically, is a very accurate description of what my run looks like.

To trim or not to trim?

2011-04-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

last November, i decided to throw caution to the wind, get a little bit naughty, and get BANGS!

that's right, legitimate, honest to gosh, bangs. the kind i hadn't rocked since i was 12.

i had thought about it for a while, and i decided that since i could embrace skinny leg jeans, why not go all in and embrace bangs too.

I've been home-trimming them for awhile now, but they're back to that awkward over-the-eyes stage.

And i'm not certain that i want them to be a permanent fixture in my life. They've been lots of fun, but I can't decide if i want to trim or grow.

So interwebs, what's the answer?

let's not take into account the fact that i am obviously heftier in the current photos. I'm working on it! it's alot easier to gain weight than it is to lose it, who knew?

before bangs:

with bangs:

current, side swept bangs:

Alright people, you be the judge!

Ouchie.

2011-03-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

As promised, here's the details about my car.

It was parked on the side of the road, quietly minding it's own business, when a mean ol' semi decided to bully it.

The semi didn't realize it hit me, and drove away. Thank GOD the postman saw it happen and called it in. They found the guy who hit me, and [after a week of run around] he took full responsibility for the accident and is paying for the repairs.

For now, i'm rockin this little gal. She's nice and all, but she's not mine.

It's been a month, i miss my car.

Umm.

2011-02-25T08:40:00.000-08:00

What the hell is wrong with the people who created this commercial?

We WILL NOT stand for this...

2011-02-18T15:39:00.000-08:00

forget unions and paycuts, I've found the real problem

Intolerable. Who will stand with me? #solidarity

Have You Heard about This?

2011-02-18T08:04:00.000-08:00

The Protests in Wisconsin

I'm curious as to what the rest of the country has heard.

I know we finally broke CNN, and was on the cover of the New York Times; but have you guys really heard anything about this?

I work exactly 20 ft from the protests, so I am fully immersed in it.

the protesters are riding the bus with me to work.

I am hearing the marches from my office window.

It's allover the news.

and, like cairo, twitter's spurring most of the movement.

And it's quite exhilarating.

Here's my very (ill)informed breakdown:

1) walker gets elected gov on a ballot of getting out of debt, starts position last month
2) last week, walker announcing sweeping legislation for this year's budget:

state employees would have to start paying into their benefits, essentially a 6% paycut per person.
the main reason people are upset, is it completely negates any unions bargaining rights

3)this week has seen over 30,000 protesters visit the capital.

a large number of those being teachers
schools have been closed for the past 3 days

4)The vote was supposed to take place yesterday

it passed the joint finance committee and was sent to the senate floor
the democrat senators knew they didn't have enough "no" votes, so instead, they refused to attend. the vote couldn't be held because the there weren't enough senators to hold a vote.
the madison capital police went to round up the dem. senators and require them to vote, but they had fled the state and were hiding in an undisclosed location in Illinois.
It's basically a way to buy time, the vote will still be held.

exciting stuff, no? it's playing out like a movie.

I'm not going to get into any of my opinions here.
But as someone who adored poli sci in college, it's been very exciting for me to bear witness to the events unfolding.

and the signs have been pretty entertaining too

my personal favorite was, "100% of teachers protesting here have a higher education than governor walker"

So tell me, what have you guys heard?

Snail's Speed

2011-02-11T12:12:00.000-08:00

So my car got hit on Monday. My parked car. Apparently a semi was making a left, and the back corner of his trailer wanted to stab a huge gash from tip to tip of my car. awesome.

But that's not what this post is about.

No, that post will come later, because I'm currently in limbo with the driver's insurance co. My poor baby is parked on the side of the street, freezing, shivering, scared and alone with a giant hole in her paneling. Poor Girl.

This post is about something else. This post is about what my life has succumb to because my car is currently dormant.

I don't live far from downtown. A mere 3.5 miles from the capital. But in the winter time, it may as well be 2 states away, because there's no way in hell that I'm walking or biking in zero degree weather.

When the temperature drops below 20, and the snow accumulation rises about 6", my car becomes my lifeline.

Sure, i still ride the bus to work --i mean, i work downtown after all....and am wickedly poor-- but beyond that, my world gets big. Everything becomes a car ride away.

Gone are the days where i walk 11 miles in a day, pick restaurants for their proximity to my apartment (i.e. intoxicated walks home), or bike the the grocery store.

So when my car became unavailable, my world suddenly came to a hault.

All week long, i've come home and been at the mercy of people giving me rides.

They'd invite me places, and i'd respond "i'd love to go...if you don't mind picking me up"

God bless them, they have been picking me up. they've been beyond wonderful, but the thing is we've always been heading in the same direction.

Now, i need to run my errands, and I'm not the kind of person to ever ask someone to cart me around.

So today was a new experience for me. I knew all the things i needed to get, and i knew all the places i wanted to get them....all on the westside, a 15+ minute drive away.

Clearly, me walking down the beltline is not an option, so it was time for me to get creative.

I'm lucky to live near monroe street, and I'm no stranger to trader joes.
I'm also no stranger to the many amazing restaurants by me.

What i am a stranger to, embarrassingly, are all the little local shops in my section of town.

I'd always strolled past them, thinking they were cute, but never bothered to stop in.

Today, all that changed.

I was able to check off everything on my shopping list, as well as find cute new things i didn't even know i needed, and all with the peace of mind of supporting local business.

The stores were adorable. The employees were far more friendly, caring, and attentive than their big chain competitors.

I found myself stopping in almost every store i walked by, just for the fun of experiencing them.

It took me 90 minutes to walk 11 blocks. And it was utterly enjoyable.

And I could kick myself for not having done this sooner.

As someone who always spews the phrase "support your local restaurants. i guarantee you, any chain you like, i can find you a better, local alternative"; it's about time i focused on the importance of supporting my local stores too.

My world has finally gotten smaller again.

....and i can't wait for warmer weather (sorry, just needed to get that off my chest too)

I won't even pretend this post has a theme (or title)

2011-01-09T20:10:00.000-08:00

I wanted to let you all know that i've done something drastic...

I've left facebook.

I realize this might come as a shock to some of you, given that i've been on it at least once a day (usually, several more) since 2004, the year it started.

I was due for a cleanse. A facebook colonic, if you will.*

In this, the month of actually sticking to new year's resolutions, i decided it was time for a detox.

It needed to be cold turkey. I'm not one who's able to simply ignore it's presence, we needed to break-up.

I've been facebook free for a week now, and I'm starting to like it.

at first, like all good addicts, i was obsessive. I had the shakes and kept day dreaming of getting to login.

But now, now i am liberated. I honestly don't spend that many evenings at home, but the ones that i have, have been super productive.

And that was the whole reason for getting off facebook. I still love social media, but there are quite a few aspects of my personal life that have needed attention. My to-do list has been piling-up, and I've been able to procrastinate for months by wasting hours online.

Since i've been off facebook-only for a week, mind you- it's amazing what i've already accomplished.

don't worry, this isn't a permanent fixture. I'll sign back in eventually, but i have a couple personal goals that i need to accomplish before i "treat" myself to that.

So there you go, the truth's out. In other news:

This is what my dinner looked like.

spinach, celery, and cucumber

Speaking of detox, my body has been screaming at me for all the crap i've loaded it with since thanksgiving. We're going on a but of a cleanse too, eh.

and finally, since i was kind enough to update you on the upstairs bathroom. here's what the 1/2 bath now looks like.

Pretty!

*you're all welcome for that visual.

pretty!

2011-01-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

It's finished, and it's glorious.

2011-01-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

wisconsin.

2010-11-19T07:56:00.001-08:00

What else do i need to do to be considered an actual wisonsiner? (in lieu of, you know, actuallygetting my wisconsin driver's license)

my list of accomplishments thus far:

head-up north to a cabin for the weekend (done, several times over)
go to a brewer's game
call all illinois drivers fib's. (or the even more creative fishtab*)
go to a packer's game
go ice skating
drink wisconsin beer
say, "oh yeah, you betcha" all the time

Things i still need to do:

go to a uw football game
and hockey game
visit door county
tour more breweries
visit the northwoods and great lakes

there's parts of me though, that will always be southern.

beyond my well-documented affection for the word "y'all", i still can't stifle certain parts of my upbringing. for example:

i was hosting knitting club the other week (no, i can't knit, but i'm really good at drinking wine while other people knit), so a friend and i went and picked up snacks. When we got back to my apartment, she just opened the bags of chips, and pulled the lids off the dips, and, figuring we were done, set them on the coffee table.

"Friend!", i chastised her, "that is not how we provide snacks for a gathering".

I proceeded to place everything in/on platters, thus making myself much happier.

did the food taste any better? no

did it quadruple the amount of dishes i dirtied? yes

but, being the fine southern woman that i am, i just can't accept the idea of not making my life appear nicer for company.

y'all should just be glad i didn't require sweet tea and cheese straws.

so eff it, maybe i'll never be a mid-westerner. but i'm becoming a pretty great hybrid of the two cultures. and hybrids are super trendy right now, right?

*f**king illinois sh*t head towing a boat

Ohh Boy.

2010-11-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

first off, let me just say that while i realize that mentioning the yucky turn my life has taken was necessary, i really hate that it's what my blog has become. I knew that i needed to update you on that significant part of my life, but i also know that the purpose of this blog is for me to write about the meaningless drivel that occupies my brain. so let's get back to the basics, shall we?

secondly, i owe you all an apology. i know i've been ignoring you. there are many factors, not the least of which that my new job has left me an exhausted, shell of a human being. but i am working on it, and i will try to give you more of my time. you deserve it! so here goes nothin...

My parents have been talking about renovating their house for as long as i've known them. i never really thought much about, since they're big talkers...not so much big doers.

this past year though, their talking has been on steroids. everytime i see my dad, we've been going to the stores, looking at options for how to remodel parts of the house.

he even took it one step further and actually started purchasing items. Now, my father is not known to part with his wallet too often. so this step, this was cause for alarm.

but again, he was only buying items when he would find them on super sale. and i just knew it would take him years to buy up everything.

Besides, they have a habit of buying things on sale that they may need for their "future".

Have i told you about the dishwasher that was purchased 10 years ago, that still hasn't been installed because it's for their next house? seriously, it's still sitting in their garage. don't believe me? go check it out. i'll wait...

So finally, my dad actually makes the plunge. he announces that he's going to start work on the house.

The first job? remodeling the upstairs bathroom.

In the big scheme of things, the plan is remodel all 2 and 1/2 baths. redo the 1st floor floors (wood, with radiant heat) and redo the kitchen.

Mom has insisted that he finish the upstairs bathroom, so that they can move into the second floor, while the first floor is demolished.

So i get this picture a few days ago:

the next day, i get this one:

with the caption, "progress?"

to which i (obviously) respond, "what's the difference?"

My dad, god bless him, tells me, "i made the hole bigger"

oy vey.

Today (3 days later) i get this picture:

"what??? dad, where's the tub???"
(that was the only part he was planning on keeping, you see)

"eh. i decided to get rid of it. make it a 1/2 bath"

have i mentioned, dear readers, that this is the only bathroom on that floor, and that there are three bedrooms?????

"Dad, you have to have a tub! where would i bathe when i'm home"

"you sound just like your mother"

"well, she's a smart lady. listen to her on this one"

His response? This:

with the caption, "i just can't stop myself"

oh lord. help me. did i mention i'm going home for christmas?

....can i stay with your family?

Update

2010-10-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

wow. thanks for the outpouring of support, guys.
I appreciate all the comments, calls, emails, i really do.
and honestly, I'm ok. It's just that my overall happy nature is being overshadowed by sadness a few times a day. I'll be driving down the road minding my own business when i start crying for no apparent reason. hopefully this will subside soon. I mean, it's not even a hormonal thing. (gah, i'm such a woman sometimes)

Beyond that, there's a few things i've done lately to try to cheer myself up.
Most importantly, I went skydiving.

It was awesome. amazing. indescribable. and addictive.

I was on an adrenaline high for days. all i kept thinking was, "i jumped out of a f*cking airplane, i can do anything!"

I really thought this would be a once in a lifetime thing, but now i can't wait to do it again.

(yeesh, wishing i could be hooked on a less expensive hobby)

And, in other news, I've been doing quite a bit of retail therapy. my debit card is currently giving me the silent treatment. she's exhausted. I've gone overboard on boot shopping.

beyond that, i'm really enjoying fall in wisconsin. I was in a depressed fog this time last year, so i feel like i missed out on all of it. This year, i'm trying to make the most of it.
Just the other day i had my first pumpkin spice latte of the season...things are looking up.

Truth.

2010-10-07T20:12:00.001-07:00

I've been breaking into spontaneous tears lately.

I'll be going along, minding my own business, when suddenly a salty-liquid starts pouring out of my tear ducts. I hear the gasping sobs, and find myself shocked to realize they're coming from my own mouth.

My therapist pointed out that this is the worst kind of anniversary for me.

It's been a year.

A Year since the hardest part of my life (to date).

In one month's time, I was passed up for a promotion at work, moved home to take care of my dad after major surgery, and flew back to have my husband tell me he was leaving me for someone else.

I think it has to do with the seasons changing. It's automatically reminding my subconscious of the anniversary of doom, even though I'm trying so hard to ignore it.

I try not to think about it. I've come so far in the past year, but still. A month like that would crush the strongest of people (and I am not, in any capacity, the strongest of people).
I'm shocked by what i've accomplished, but i've still got a long way to go.

And i'm not coping well. i mean, technically i'm fine. But rather than be social, i'd rather sit alone in quiet contemplation. I've definitely been eating my feelings. Thank you, 11 pounds i've gained since starting back to work. (the 11 straight weeks of overtime hasn't helped either. it's literally impossible to time-manage my life right now)

i know that there are times to be sad, and times to be joyful. And i guess i'm coming to accept that, for me, this might just be a time to be sad.

If there's anything i've learned in this past year, it's that it's like the tide, and even though it's high now, it will fade.

I just hope it's sooner than later.

GPOYW.

2010-09-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

A triumphant return to the blogosphere...no?

Goals*

2010-09-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

[to be accomplished by the end of next summer]

couch to 5k
lose 20 more lbs
get-up on water skis
go on a vacation
skydive
pay off credit card

*subject to change throughout the year

It's True

2010-08-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

There's a topic i've been avoiding on this blog for a long time...

John and I aren't together anymore.

I'm guessing you've figured it out, but if not, i can tell you that we've been separated since october.
It sucks, yes. But i don't want to dwell on it. I don't want to humiliate him on here. I don't want to play the blame game. I know what happened, and that's enough.

yes, I tried to make amends. I tried so hard. but eventually, i realized that i am a catch. and i want to be with someone who wants to be with me. not someone who feels obligated.

someone who wakes up every morning and thinks how lucky they are to have me.
how they don't deserve me, but they're so glad i chose them.

and i will find that, when i'm ready.

Until them, i'm relearning about myself (sidenote: therapy and alcohol are wonderful coping mechanisms)

and i've found something i haven't felt in awhile.... I'm happy

and for now, that's more than enough.

Want.

2010-08-04T18:37:00.001-07:00

i really do have a legitimate reason to buy it, promise!
but umm, it's $225.
and every extra penny i can save really ought to go towards clothes i can wear to work.
(i have been able to make the sun dresses semi-work appropriate, but i am screwed when the weather turns)

anyone want to treat me to an over-indulgent shopping spree? i promise to (not) pay you back.

People Always Ask Me When I'll be Moving Back Down South

2010-08-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Memphis had a heat index of 116.

In Wisconsin, the staples of my diet are beer and cheese. And I'm often encouraged by others to consumer more beer and cheese.

Plus, we have this.

So.... i'm thinking my answer is, never.

sound good?

UPDATED: Things I Desperately Need to Do:

2010-07-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

~~wax eyebrows~~
haircut
this will have to wait until i have some money. i'll just have to be Rapunzel for awhile.
~~alter fancy party dress~~
~~find shoes for fancy party dress~~
oh god, the amount that i love these is borderline inappropriate
~~pay bills~~
thank god i finally got a paycheck. It was at critical mass. I was avoiding creditor's calls and close to not having electricity, people.
buy groceries
yeah...that really needs to happen. i've basically been living off of leftover animals crackers at work.
animals eaten: 1,000; nutritional value: 0
sleep
nope....
do laundry....or buy more underpants
I did do laundry once since this post. but seriously, i need more underpants.

~~fail.~~ win?

Some highlights from my fancy schmancy accessories shopping spree today:

1) Seeing a pregnant lady shopping at Forever 21.
then again, i really shouldn't be in there either, so who am i to judge?

2) Using the left-turn bike signal when my shopping cart and I were trying to turn down an aisle at Target.
yep...

Things I Desperately Need to Do:

2010-07-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

wax eyebrows
haircut
alter fancy party dress
find shoes for fancy party dress
pay bills
buy groceries
sleep
do laundry....or buy more underpants

but there's no time. none.

it's getting to the point where i have reduced my once-glorious blog, into a to-do list.

fail.

a grandiose GPOYW

2010-07-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

brewer's game! -edition

oh, hello there.

2010-07-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

hi little blog. have you missed me? i'm sorry i've been ignoring you, i've just been so busy.

no, you're absolutely right. that's no excuse. do you think you can ever forgive me?

i started my new job last week, and i don't think i have altered my lifestyle enough to

accommodate the 8 hours of work everyday.

i.am.so.tired.

the truth is, i love where i work. i love where i live. i love my friends.

there just aren't enough hours in the day.

Yet Another Weekend Where the Only Pictures I Took Were of the Dog.

2010-07-06T09:51:00.001-07:00

so effing cute. i want one.

oh! and also, i had a great weekend.

No Apple Pie, but Still Pretty American.

2010-07-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

I'm probably the only person in the world who would rather be a sous chef rather than a head chef.

i get really nervous about cooking, and i always fret about the final product. i can't handle the pressure. but i loooove all the prep work in the kitchen. chopping and dicing? sold!

with that in mind, i am headed to my friend's cabin up north for the holiday (omg, i'm such a winsconsiner now!), and i have had a fun, full morning of preparing lots of scrumptious goodies for the weekend. but the most fun, by far, was all the prep work.

Lots of delicious, diced fruits (most of this will actually be used for making whop*, but it'so tasty, i'm gonna help myself to lots of it before it gets an alcohol bath)

cupcakes!!!

i attempted a patriotic color palate, but they kind of came out pink and blue, and look a little more "baby shower"-esk

grape salad. (i realize this doesn't look too tempting...but i couldn't dive in to show you how yummy it is inside. it is in no way a true "salad" and has far more health faults than benefits. but, yum!)

and one of my personal favorites, a some delicious homemade salsa.

this tastes like a bowl of fresh. this is summertime to me.

So that's my contribution to the weekend. Along with an obligatory pack of turkey dogs, of course.

what are your plans for the 4th? making any festive foods?

*when i was young and stupid and used to drink this, we called it hunch punch. but it appears to have a plethora of names. what did you call it?

GPOYW.

2010-06-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Totally Radical, dude! -edition

ps. i'm not naked. i have a top on, i swear!

Second Place is the First Loser.

2010-06-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

I did not win.

i am not the superior human being.

related: cheating on a diet is soooo satisfying.

also related: who can loan me 50 bucks??

GPOYW.

2010-06-23T10:05:00.001-07:00

Don't come between me and dessert -edition

A Proper Wedding Recap.

2010-06-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

I have a confession.

I willingly traveled to Gary,IN a couple weekends ago.

for the love of this girl.

who is that daughter of this guy.

she got married.

and it made her very happy.

you see, it's all this guy's fault.

he had these guys.

which led to these guys,

and now all these people have him to blame for their existence.

including these two cute little doodlebugs.

and this one, asked a girl to dance.

which means we might be starting this whole convoluted process over again.

(i mean, they already match and everything)

so congrats cousin and hubby! you guys are adorable!

Dad's Day

2010-06-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

i adore my father.

even though he's a couple gold necklaces from dressing like a guido.

even though he currently has a pony tail.

even though he's on the cutting-edge of trends.

because although he looks like a bad irish version of an italian mobster, you see pictures like this and realize he's a great big teddy bear:

happy father's day to him, and all the other wonderful, patient, involved dads out there!

Empower Yourself, Get Naked!

2010-06-19T10:21:00.001-07:00

I rode my bike to farmer's market today.

That in itself is not so atypical.

I went for a loaf of stella's...and to see some nudity.

(yep, right there's the weird part)

today was the naked bike ride.

and like any good creeper, i couldn't ignore it.

i thought it would go around the square at 11, but i realized i was mistaken and that the parade would start at 11, but no one knew when it would get to the square.

so i waited, and waited. and felt like a perv as i was waiting to leer.

i mean, how long does a person wait to see some, probably, ugly naked people on bikes?

right as i was about to leave (and wash my shame off of me) i saw them in the distance.

Leading the way was a police officer, who clearly wanted everyone to know that he was not affiliated with the group. he kept shouting, "so far, we haven't received any complaints. please let me know if you would like to make a complaint!"

and we all shouted, "woooo!! no complaints! woooo!!!"

i stood there in awe of these people. snapping little pictures on my camera.

and then, realized how very close i was standing to the curb. in my expert opinion, far too close.

there was not enough space between me and their genitalia.

so i took a giant step back, where i could appreciate them, but wasn't immersed in it.

they were shouting, "empower yourself, get naked!" and "zero emissions per journey!"

not everyone was fully naked.

not everyone was attractive. (most weren't, actually)

not everyone had much to be proud of.

but i was in awe of their ability to participate.

on the one hand, i felt empowered by the naked bike ride, on the other it smelled like sweaty naked people.

as i biked home, i thought about their parade. i envied them, and wished i had the courage to do it. i doubt my parents would disown me, we always had the philosophy that "skin is better than violence" -which is reason #174 why i really can't live in The South, but i digress.

i mean really, if i were to die today, the best my tombstone could read is "law abiding citizen"... i mean, beloved law abiding citizen, but still. maybe it's time i live life to the fullest.

I suddenly wanted to throw of my shirt and join them.

In the front though, ahead of the smelly naked-exhaust.

i would have just worn a bra and shorts, but that still would have been a huge step forward for me.

but by the time i finally mustered up the courage, i was already home so i just decided instead to sit in my lovely air conditioned living room and type this blog post.

topless, of course.

Welcome to my neuroses.

2010-06-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

preface: when you don't have a job, your mind power is wasted on useless things...but who am i kidding, i'd be obsessing about this even if i was employed.

I've been very confused recently.

You see, the pictures i've been posting haven't looked quite right to me lately.

like yesterday's:

I know for a fact i was in the driver's seat, and it was not a british car.

but the seatbelt placement looks like i was a passenger.

and this dress:

my self portrait made me paranoid.

i thought, "bloody hell, did i put the dress on backwards??!??!"

so, my crazy mind obsesses about these weird circumstances, and the fact that i might not be capable of dressing myself. and then i realized:

this is my super old phone (which i love, btw)

it has a neat feature that you can use the front screen for self portraits.

which i do. all.the.time.

(that's what solidarity does to you; makes you an expert in narcissism)

i didn't realize that, on self-portrait mode, it reverses the image.

but now that i know, i can rest easy.

i'm still capable of dressing myself...

sort of.

GPOYW.

2010-06-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

sportin' my $3 elvis shades -edition

why is it that i've held onto these longer than any other

pair i've ever owned/paid good money for???

I'd love to post pictures from this past weekend,

2010-06-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

but i am sans camera, and all i have are the most random compilation of cell phone pictures known to man. Perhaps my family can email me some, asap? (hint! hint!)

nevertheless, here you go. this is what i have, and you'll LIKE it, dammit:

really shellbell? you're with your entire family for the first time in months, and this is the first picture you take of the weekend? oh how i cheated on my diet... :(

all purtified for my cousin's wedding. super proud that i went from swimming pool-dirty to squeaky clean-ready in 30 min.

this is a portrait my nephew took of my brother. yep.

brother, brother's wife, and the best niece ever. and also, a gallon of water.

my niece is the smartest and prettiest.

this has nothing to do with the weekend. this is just a delicious salad i made for lunch today. it was so yummy, it deserved some spotlight.

Yeah, i'm thinking i really need my family to email me some pics. because as entertaining as these pictures are, i really don't think they tell a proper story of how great the weekend was.

Wow.

2010-06-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

sure, i write hundreds of genius, awe-inspiring, thought-provoking posts and hear nothing from you people.
Seriously, crickets.

but slap a few dresses on here, and eeeeeeverybody's got an opinion.

and, i appreciate it! thank you.

ultimately, i have decided to keep all 3.

i mean, they're all cute.

they're already paid for. the money's already out of the account, and i could still afford gas if i needed it (though not much...). not to mention, my own mother is the one who told me not to take any back, and really she fully knows that she's the one i would call sniffly and crying, begging for money (yes, that's right ladies and gentleman, my mom comments on here as "the drama queen"... welcome to my world)

and the most expensive one was only $25.

maybe i just needed to get a little perspective.

I feel the need to explain why i am keeping each one. Not for you, but to convince myself that i am doing the right thing :) my cheap ass still needs persuading.

normally, i have to try something on before i buy it. but i loved this one without any proof that it would fit my body-type. i still love it, the pattern and halter cut are perfect for summer fun. I just hate that it was the priciest one, yet contains the least amount of fabric.

this is a horrible picture. the dress is already off the website, so i found this image from a random google search. Truthfully, i wanted it in navy blue. but my friends made me get green because a) redheads rock green like none other, and b) my instinct is to always buy navy blue. Seriously, 4 blue dresses in my closet already. honestly, if i were to take one back, it might have been this one, but since it's already offline, i am scared that it will be gone from the stores soon too, and i'll have missed by opportunity for a cute spaghetti strap ruffle dress (oh, the horror!)

Ok. LADIES, pay attention. I feel compelled to defend this dress choice. You guys voted this one off the island, but it might actually be the one i love the most.
it is my mission to convince all of you of the wonderfulness of the maxi dress (ie- long dress)

think about it, it's hot outside, you need to look cute, but GAH! you forgot to shave! you're legs are hairier than a polar bear. With this little gem, you can just slip it on, look great, feel comfy, and sit on the terrace drinking beer at sunset (well...those are my plans, you can do whatever you want with this). Seriously, i had a dress like this last summer, and it was perfect for when i was exhausted from work, but still needed to look semi-decent.

and i feel the need to reiterate, NO SHAVING!

so again, thank you all for your opinions and help. I really appreciate it, and i will think you fondly everytime i wear them.

I have a dilemma.

2010-06-06T14:46:00.001-07:00

but it's a "good" dilemma.

I have recently bought 3 dresses.

they're all adorable!

but, i'm still unemployed, and 3 dresses sounds like a bit much.

(esp. considering there's another one in my closet i haven't worn yet either)

So, i feel as though i can only keep two.

one should go back to the store.

and i am at my wit's end trying to decide!

i love them all.

is this one dress too many? what's a girl to do?

and also, i need to stop buying summer dresses and start buying shirts i can wear to work! geez! enough already shellbell.

I have 3 weddings to attend this summer.

2010-06-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

And i won't be seeing the same people at any of them, so i decided to get one fabulous dress and wear it three times.

When i was home last month, my mom and i went shopping and found this.

i love it.

I've already worn it to one wedding, and it was a big hit.

i beyond love it.

The hardest part is waiting to wear it again. I want to put it on just to prance around my house. but with my track record of clumsiness, there is zero doubt in my mind that i would ruin it.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the shoes.

love.

GPOYW.

2010-06-02T14:52:00.001-07:00

a ginger holding a ginger -edition

My friend and i are in a weight-loss competition.

2010-05-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

for the month of june.

we're both ponying up 50 bucks.
whoever loses the highest percentage of weight wins the pot.

I just spent a small fortune on healthy foods to stock the fridge.

i threw away lots of tempting treats from my kitchen.

i pigged-out for my last meal of blissful happiness.

I so got this in the bag. just give me the 100 bucks now.*

any suggestions on what awesome thing i should spend it on?

*the only thing i'm worried about is the wedding/family reunion one weekend, and the all you can eat&drink duckblind another. naybe i can sabotage my friend on those weekends too? ;)

Two Things.

2010-05-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

1) I am kinda known for wearing dresses. Especially in the summer. If you see a dress in a store and think "lightweight, kinda hippie", odds are i own it.
so i've been stalking this dress at old navy for 2 months, but everytime i went they were either sold out, or only had xxl and xs.

i finally realized that all the gas driving there wasn't worth it, and i should just suck it up, and order it online. (i hate paying for shipping, yo) because i need it for a bbq next month.
so i just ordered it. SO EXCITED!!!!

and 2)

when i looked on my photos to find the image of the dress, i randomly found this picture.

love.

GPOYW.

2010-05-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

Beerpong Extraordinaire -edition

Happy Birthday Brother!

2010-05-23T19:44:00.001-07:00

You're awesome, and i hope you have an awesome day!

Stoked.

2010-05-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

Normally, I don't pay full price for movies. considering i'm good at finding outfits for $9, why would i willingly spend the same amount for a one-time viewing of a film?

I stumbled upon Madison's $3 theater my first summer here, before i had air conditioning. And would happily drop money to sit in a cool, temperature controlled room for 2 hours. Sure, i had to wait approx 3months later than everyone else to see a movie, but i didn't mind. It was usually a good thing, since people who watched it already could tell me if it was worth my time.

The last movies I saw in the theaters, for full price, were: The Hangover, The Proposal, and Iron Man 2.

The Hangover was totally worth it.
The Proposal, meh, i could have waited. (still cute though. god, i adore betty white!)
Iron Man 2, i think it was worth it. I think. It was visually fantastic. And if someone besides me would have paid, it would have totally been worth it :)

So, in general, I'm on the fence. I'm just not sure i can justify dropping nine bones for one viewing. When for twice that, i can own the dvd and watch it as many times as i want.

However! There are a couple movies this summer that i am so freaking excited about, I can barely contain myself. I'll gladly pay whatever amount they ask me to.
and there's more that i am also looking forward to, i am just willing to have patience and wait to see those.

Whoops! I may have just pee'd with excitement. note to self: wear adult diapers when sitting in the theater seats.

What summer movies are you thrilled about*?

*pleasedon'tsaytwilight.pleasedon'tsaytwilight.pleasedon'tsaytwilight.pleasedon'tsaytwilight.

Updates (i.e. Randoms)

2010-05-20T13:55:00.002-07:00

here's a few updates that i have been meaning to post, but have been neglecting this poor blog like the brown and crispy plant that's on my windowsill. so here goes:

I'm not moving!!!
i worked out a way for me to be able to afford this place again next year. And i am just tickled pink! i love where i live. I love all the windows, and how bright it gets. i love that it's an easy bike ride (or slightly difficult walk) downtown. and I love that this is outside my door everyday

well, everything but to toes. those are only outside when i am.
i never did find my new perfume.
i tried. oh, how i tried. all the research i did made me quite woozy. and i did find a few that are ok. but still, i'm not convinced they're for me. thus far, the top contender is Ralph Lauren Romance. it's nice, but i'm still not convinced.
i am so, so, so in love with where i live. (redundant, i know)
my state has just banned car title loans (hooray!) i hate when people/companies prey on the desperate. not to mention, no more having to endure those god-awful commercials.
and my city is having a naked bike ride (ok. i won't participate. and i prob won't even go observe, but i love that it exists!)
I'm super excited about my new job.
(duh!)
i have lots of fun things planned for this summer!
including: trips north to play at the lake. brat fest. brewers games. mallards games. more camping. potential water park visits. and a possible trip to the wisconsin state fair.

With Regards to Number 5, that might mean even more neglect on the ol' blog here.

(sorry in advance. i still love you. lots.)

Anything else you need an update from me on? What are you up to?

GPOYW.

2010-05-19T18:48:00.001-07:00

Awesome -edition

Nom Nom Nom.

2010-05-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

There's been one slight -yet distinct- change since living here.
When I am sitting in a waiting room, I now read MidWest Living rather than Southern Living.

No surprise, they're exactly the same.

So, while at the doctor's office yesterday, I came across this recipe, and am dying to make it.

Which means, brunch at shellbell's! all are invited :)

I'm Pretty Much Bear Grylls.

2010-05-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

I have officially survived camping!

I had a pink folding char.

I had lots of s'mores and gooey campfire treats.

I became one with nature... if becoming one with nature means freezing your ass off, because i definitely did that!!!!

In hindsight, maybe i shouldn't have based my new sleeping bag purchase on which one was the cheapest and prettiest. i freaking froze my ass off. Sleeping on the cold, hard ground sucks. it sucks!

[Sidenote: Mom and Dad, I don't understand how you guys did it when we were kids! I mean, i am in my twenties and haven't had to birth children, and after one night i was done. d.o.n.e.! My back was killing me. My nose was stuffed. and I wanted my mommy (and an extremely hot cup of cocoa). Am i remembering it incorrectly? did you guys use an air mattress? and if not, how (or more importantly, why) did you guys take us camping for extended periods of time...willingly!??]

So after the initial hell that was freezing my ass off, and cursing mother nature, my friends, and anyone else i could think to blame for being outside at that moment, I made the prudent decision to buy an air mattress. Best.purchase.ever.

Seriously, i probably would have paid any amount they wanted. Fortunately, i didn't have to sell my soul for it. and for a very reasonable $27, my opinion of camping increased tenfold.

On Saturday we went to Devil's Lake. Now, i've been told it's probably the best state park in the state. But it's the only one i've been to, so I can't verify that. I can tell you, that it was gorgeous.

I, however, was not. Seems like if i'm going to decide to not shower for a weekend, I also need to decide to not pose for picture. yeesh.

but i will tell you that i was one of the fastest hikers of the group. haha! all those treadmill hours logged are paying off. (and now we need to have a moment of silence in memory of my gym membership. because like all good things, it came to an end. sniff. sniff)

There were lots of indulgent meals to eat. Gorgeous campfires to sit by. drinks to be consumed.* and sleeping bags to snuggle under.

Utimately, I really enjoyed the trip! and now that i've worked out all the kinks and my rookie-mistakes, i look forward to doing it again a couple more times before summer is over.

[And here's my other rant: the burden of an suv owner is, when it's time to travel somewhere, you're automatically drafted due to your cargo space. i understand that's my burden of having an awesome car, and i accept it. Miracle of miracles, we were able to fit 4 people and all our gear in. The complaint is that, when you're done dropping everyone off at the end of the weekend, there's no one left to help you unload your crap out of the car. (waaah. waaah. waaah.) but that's ok. I got it done, right before i collapsed into an unintentional nap (aren't those the best??)]

And when i came home today, i took the hottest shower i could tolerate and turned on every electronic device i own. Not because i needed to, just because i could!

*but not that many actually. my cooler's still about 1/2 full. which made it all the more fun to carry it back upstairs to my apartment :(

Three Words I Never Thought I'd Say.

2010-05-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going camping.

Yep. In approximately 6 hours, I am loading up the suv with gear, food, enough beer to drown a short person... And enough bugspray to drown another person of small stature.

Somehow I got convinced that roughing it outdoors for 48hours would be a great idea. Honestly, I am just in it for the s'mores, and these little heavenly friends that i made yesterday (devil's food chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting. Wait, what were we talking about before? I lost my train of thought)

When I was a kid, our family went camping every summer. And I do have good memories from it, but i am pretty sure that I am repressing all the bad memories. The poison ivy. The mosquitoes. The Tics. THE FURRY CREATURES THAT GO "BUMP" IN THE NIGHT!!!

To be fair, I didn't drink beer as a child, and I think that will increase the fun-ness level of the trip exponentially.

And I did tech sleep outside, in sleeping bags in college. But I'm not sure that was 'camping', so much as it was passing-out while waiting in line for football tickets or concerts :)

So hopefully it goes well. I will be slathering myself in bug repellent, and hoping I don't become flammable...but staying far enough away from the campfire just to be sure.

But just so we're clear, I would much rather be here this weekend. That's the kind of tent I can definitely wrap my head around!

Dear Wisconsin,

2010-05-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

What, exactly, is Pub Cheese?

I find it odd that it doesn't exist anywhere else in the universe, and yet, you guys have shelves of the stuff at the grocery store. A myriad of flavors and brands to choose from.

I recently tried it for the first time, and I honestly don't know what to make of it. I didn't enjoy it, and yet i kept eating it.

Is that how everyone else feels about it too? It's not good, but before you know it the container's empty and you have amnesia about the taste when you put another tub in your shopping cart?

Surely it can't be real cheese (which really seems against the grain of this state).

It's more like whipped play-dough.

I really do love you, state. I love the beer; and I am in a long-term monogamous relationship with fried cheese curds.

But i might have to put this in the "no" category; along with old fashioned's and the urban chicken movement.

So, what is it? And more importantly, what's the appeal?

Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Your Biggest Fan*,
Shellbell

*...maybe. I mean, we'll see. First tell me what this stuff is and then I'll decide.

Happy Dance.

2010-05-11T14:06:00.000-07:00

i promise there was music on during this, you just can't hear it. but it was there, i swear!

I'm sure alot of questions are coming to your mind:

Shellbell, Why the happy dance?
Shellbell, Why are you sharing this amazing video with the entire interweb?
Shellbell, You are so talented. Have you considered auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance?
Oh Dear Lord, Shellbell. why, oh why, was i ever friends with you???

And I will answer these as best i can

The Happy Dance is because... I GOT A JOB!!!!!!
Because now, no matter what stupid thing you may do today, it won't compare to this. and hopefully to put a smile on your face.
Yes. Yes, I have. But, obviously my skills are phenominal, and I wouldn't want to make the other applicants feel bad.
cause i'm awesome. duh.

Anyway, back to the important part: I, the apathetic fish, have received gainful employment!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

This is a nice step-up for me, and a sweet little pay raise. ironically, i'll actually have less expendable income this coming year than previously, but i digress. back to happy, BACK TO HAPPY.

Keeping my big mouth shut about this for the past 48hrs, until it was official, has been excruciating. And there are a dozen of you laughing your ass off right now, because by "secret" i mean i called handfuls of people to share my joy. but whatevs, that's quite contained for me.

and the best part? the position doesn't start until July. which means i still get 2 months of goofing off!

Yahoo Hooray!!

oh! and the other best part? i've convinced myself i need more professional clothes* for the position. SHOPPING SPREE!!!!

*on a related note, i need this (in blue/grey). it would make my life complete. i think.

mom's day.

2010-05-09T09:07:00.001-07:00

[mom don't read this part! just scroll down]

when i was home the other week, I handed my brother some money and said, "whatever you get mom, i'm in for half"

and from that preface, enjoy the following text conversation:

big brother: mom loved the flowers we gave her! good job!!

adorable sister: haha. thanks! it took me awhile to pick out just the right ones, but when i saw them i know they'd be perfect! ...what kind did we get her?

big brother: a cactus and a venus flytrap. with a note that says, "you're a prick and bite me"

adorable sister: :/ i want my money back

big brother: sorry, no refunds.

Well thankfully he was telling lies to his adorable little sister, and later sent me the 'fantastic' photo of the bouquet!

umm. wow. thanks for the picture :)

My mom is definitely not June Cleaver.

"Organization" was a four-letter word growing up in our house. We were always frantically running out the door to the next practice or lesson that we had inevitably forgotten was scheduled. Dinners were always "unique" creations that involved going-rogue of the box's instructions and winging-it...And then just adding the word "surprise" at the end of the name to cover your bases. "try it. it's tuna helper surprise! you'll love it" (and consistency wasn't important either. The same titled entree could be made 50 times, and never taste (or look) the same twice)

Our house was loud, chaotic, and fun. And we wouldn't have had it any other way.

in a town where minivan-driving soccer moms are the norm, my mom is a free-spirit.

If everyone marches to the beat of their own drum, my mom's percussion instrument is like no one's i've ever seen before. She is a character. Unique unto herself. She's a snare drum in a sea of timpanis.

While she would have preferred fame and fortune and a downtown loft condo. She pursued manicured lawns and soccer teams because it was the best place for her kids to grow-up.

So thank you mom. Thank you for the person that you are (strange as that person is:) and allowing us to be a part of your life.

And now, I will share with you one of my favorite tidbits from my childhood...

In my elementary school, we had something called "Room Mom". Basically, that parent was in charge of all the holiday parties for their classroom during the school year. In theory, the parents usually just brought cookies and helped the kids exchange gifts at christmas or cards at valentines, etc.

but when i was in 4th grade, my mom was our Room Mom. and while the other classrooms were having sweet, simple cookie-filled parties, my mom threw parties like:
-a christmas fiesta! complete with maracha music, make-your-own fajita bar, and a pinata
-a valentines party in which we had a "cake decorating race". yep, let's give 9 year olds bags of icing and tell them to "run" and "hurry"!
-and end of the year party with beach balls, Hawaiian shirts, popsicle races, and more!

Her parties were so.much.fun. everyone loved them. even our teacher, the stricktest, toughest, meanest teacher in the school enjoyed them.

And then mom was called into a meeting with the principal. and told that her parties were too wild. got the kids too excited. and made the other classes jealous. And was banned from ever being a Room Mom again :)

But hey, if you're gonna go out, go out in a blaze of glory!

So thanks again mom. and happy mother's day!

Belated* GPOYW

2010-05-06T11:46:00.001-07:00

ole! -edition

*it was still taken on a wednesday, so whatevs.

the scary-memphis-tornado-like-rain ruined my plans today. so this is what i did instead.

2010-04-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

GPOYW.

2010-04-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

i LOVE this kid! -edition

and for an encore:

this is what happens when you give 3 yr old a camera -edition

Below the Mason-Dixon

2010-04-20T20:42:00.000-07:00

The prodigal southerner has returned!!!

on a crazy whim i decided to drive home to memphis (literally, like 2 days ago, decided)

my unemployment days are dwindling down, and with the arrival of summer, i have a lot of weekends already booked. so this was the perfect (and only) time to visit home!

i don't know what i was thinking. it's 700 miles, and over 11 continuous hours of driving!

considering i get antsy after 30mins in the car, this wasn't my brightest idea ever.

i arrived in memphis in one piece. well, physically at least. my mental state has been shattered due to the mind-numbing tediousness of the drive. seriously midwest, get some scenery.

oh, that reminds me:

dear illinois,

if i am expected to pay tolls the whole.effing.way. then i expect the roads to suck less! get your act together. i expect this to be rectified by the time i drive back next week, thank you.

dear southern missouri,

wow. just wow. when, exactly, did you get annexed by arkansas? i had no idea.

i especially loved the "gas station" i stopped at that offered no windshield washing fluid or diet soda options, but provided every kind of liquor known to man.

dear bored kids playing the license plate game,

i'm glad i could help.

it took me exactly 12 hours. and i don't think i'll ever be crazy enough to attempt this drive again solo. next time i will fully embrace the buddy system.

but, truth be told, i kinda feel like a badass. i mean, i just drove across the country by myself, what can't i accomplish???

and on a related note, i am never getting in a car again. ever. if i can't walk or bike there, i ain't going.

but it doesn't matter, because i made it! i'm here! and i'm looking forward to this, and this, and this...and possibly this (and some of these)

How to Have Fun on a Saturday*

2010-04-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

go to the cabin for tam's birthday

have someone give you your drinks in a sippy cup as a joke. and realize it's the best idea ever and you spilled less than normal (but still managed to spill some)

make bad decisions

go to "the dirty turtle"

make some more bad decisions.

and somehow get 3 pitchers of beer, but only pay for one.

GREAT weekend! happy birthday tam!

*also known as: how to feel like crap on sunday

dang-it!

2010-04-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

blerg!
ok, so i may or may not have a really old hair dryer.

and it may or may not have lost the filter on the back of it.

and my hair may or may not occasionally get sucked it and stuck.

and i may or may not have to yank out the strands,

that may or may not get torn to a very short length.

but...

that does not excuse my hair for being only two inches long, and refusing to go anywhere but up!!!

Peek Inside.

2010-04-14T08:57:00.001-07:00

I've been tagged y'all.

so you want to peek inside my ~~brain~~ purse, eh?

Well, here you go!

inside my faux alligator bag, you will find:

wallet
keys
barnes and nobles gift card (for $40. cha-ching!)
a check to deposit and a bill to pay (the two kinda go hand-in-hand)
my favorite koozie
my ridiculously outdated cellphone
chapstick
pen
some stickers from trader joe's
sun glasses

I feel the need to mention, that whenever i switch purses, i only start with 3 things: phone, wallet and keys. so although this may not look like too much to you guys, it's a ton of stuff to me.

did you enjoy that little insight into my world? i'll let your mind wander about the koozie and the stickers...

oh, and i am supposed to tag some people next! so i choose: katy mac, elle michelle, and abby!

GPOYW.

2010-04-14T08:35:00.001-07:00

i live a life of leisure -edition

Don't Call it a Comeback

2010-04-11T14:13:00.000-07:00

getting back on this beauty felt like 'warm apple pie'.

PANIC.

2010-04-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

oh good lord! all this time i thought i had unlimited texting!!!

turns out, i don't.

and i found that out the hard way, when a bill with a very large "overage" fee came to my door.

Ahhhh! panic. panic. panic.

more than willing to sell my blood or hair to pay this thing. any takers?

anyone? anyone? bueller? bueller?

i will definitely be stopping by the store to see what my options are.

until then, i will be in the corner sobbing and biting off all my nails.

Rainy days make me wish i looked this cute.

2010-04-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

GPOYW.

2010-04-07T06:56:00.000-07:00

stressed! (this is how i'm coping) -edition

Easter Weekend Recap

2010-04-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

What's that? i promised you a recap of my weekend, and i'm actually going to follow-through and provide it? whoa. is the sky falling? do you even know what to do with yourself now??

This year was an interesting easter. I didn't have any plans whatsoever and was bummed about the concept of spending it alone and basically glossing-over the holiday.

enter lisa.

I've known this girl for longer than i'd like to admit (15 years... it makes me realize that i am, in fact, aging and am not the youthful adolescent i picture myself as). she's just so lucky that i befriended her in a middle school science class, and i'm sure she tells herself that everyday.

in high school we were totally "bffs4eva!" back when we knew everything there was to know about anything. and i occasionally weasel my way back into her life when i can :)

since i suck, i didn't take any pictures of her and i this weekend(or of any human for that matter, but i am now the proud owner of 22 pictures of their dog)

so instead, i used my amazing talents and microsoft paint to create an artist's rendering of what we look like:

as you can see:

i'm taller.

she's tanner.

i'm a little more hippie.

she's a little more cosmopolitan. (which i have clearly illustrated in the garment choices)

Anyway, lisa was nice enough to invite me to her and dave's place in chicago for easter.

It was them, their family, and me. Fortunately, i have years of experience sneaking my way into her family's functions, so this was nothing new (nothing like a traditional passover meal with the token irish redhead...)

i had a blast. I was basically in chicago for 24hours. within moments of arriving, champagne corks were popped. then gossip was passed. more drinking ensued. and at some point i ate enough to match my caloric intake for an entire month.

Dave cooked us an amazing meal on sat night, and then we went to brunch on easter where we sat next to a real live celebrity (i know. my life is so glamorous. hobnobbing with celebs and whatnot.)

although i only stayed for one night, my suitcase looked as though i planned on staying for 10. and i'm pretty sure i managed to try on everything i brought...twice. don't judge.

I always have so much fun when i visit them, and then i kick myself for not going more often

(i am averaging about once a year. for some reason i always make the drive from madtown to chicago seem like a bigger deal than it is. it's only 120 miles, 2 hours. I need to take advantage of my unemployed, leisure lifestyle, and get back there sooner than later.)

so thanks again lisa and dave! and next time, dinner's on me!

Easter!

2010-04-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

I hope you had a wonderful easter, mine was great. recap to come soon, but until then, here's the story of my easter basket*

The bunny must have decided that hopping all the way to wisconsin would be too difficult. So he air mailed my basket instead.

i got chocolates...

and a bunny (to whom i showed no mercy)...

and he also tried to kill me

i'm allergic to almonds. way to go bunny, might as well have sent anthrax

but i threw them away so it's all good...

and some fun alma mater cocktail napkins...

a sewing kit (i was in desperate need of one)...

a little old lady paint-by-number set...

umm, what? 26 isn't that old, bunny. and it's "apathetic" not "pathetic"**

and a deviled egg tray...

this is officially the 3rd egg tray i've been gifted. i would like to now state, for the record, that i don't need anymore :)

i got a cute easter dish towel and some coffee...

and my niece mailed me a care package full of reese's pieces...

she has incredible penmanship for a 1 year old. I'm pretty sure she's a genius.

Needless to say, i loooved all my little presents (thanks bunny!) and I also love the fact that me being 26 in no affects whether or not i can expect a basket to magically arrive to me on easter :)

I hope you guys had a fantastic easter weekend as well!

*no, i didn't technically get anything i had asked for. but you know what? no one said bunnies were literate. Besides, i am happy to receive presents in all forms.

**ok fine, sometimes it is "pathetic"...a lot of the time, actually.

Poor Little Bunny Never had a Chance

2010-04-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

and if you bite his ears off, he can't hear you coming!

Have a great easter weekend, y'all!

He Can Dance if he Wants To*

2010-04-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

This was posted on my facebook page. It cracks me up that when people see kids crying, they remember to pass it along to me because they know i'll get a kick out of it. Enjoy!

*and what kind of friend would i be if i didn't link this for you?

My Actual Conversation at the Grocery Store:

2010-04-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

the following conversation took place in the salad dressing aisle*:

[hipster lady does a double-take at me]

Hipster Lady: Is that your real hair color?

Me: Yes, it is.

Hipster Lady: You bitch.

[and then she walks away]

The end.

*i went to the store to buy ingredients to make 'marinated veggies' for the cookout yesterday. i had full intentions of posting the recipe for you, but gobbled it all up before i bothered to take any pictures. so i guess i'll just have to make it again soon...darn.

my smile is brought to you by:

2010-04-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

GPOYW.

2010-03-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

hula hoop! -edition

I looooved that hula hoop. It made me realize i need a SERIOUS hula hoop upgrade in my own life (seriously, where does one even get a "nice" hula hoop??).

And, for your viewing pleasure, enjoy the following photos in which i discovered it's not easy to take a hula hoop self-portrait.

Identity Crisis.

2010-03-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

I think i might be a closeted hippie.

Everytime i go to the willy st/atwood area, I fall in love.
I look around and think, I could definitely live here.

I love the community aspect.

I love the bike paths.

I love the goodman community center.

I love willy st co-op.

But:

the fact that i just dropped 30 bones on biolage shampoo (happily, i might add),

and that i prefer my clothes to be sold in stores, not homemade,

and 3 days without showering is my limit,

The fact that i own a hairbrush and deodorant in general!

Kind of makes me think that maybe the eastside and I aren't meant to be.

so where do i fit in?

I currently live 3miles from downtown. and it seems like a perfect location.

I am very near downtown, but i can actually find parking.

But alas, i have to move. (i mean, i have to. For reals)

And I am not 100% sold on the idea of me being a west-towner either.

So, madison peeps, where do i fit in?

Your input would be greatly appreciated.

My life, my happiness, my dignity depends on it.*

*hmm. maybe i should just live where the rest of the melodramatics live. Where's that?

Blogaversary!

2010-03-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

Bloggie it's your birthday! happy birthday bloggie!*

Hard to believe that a year ago today, I got intoxicated and decided to start blogging again.

to celebrate, i sat down and reread all 253 posts.

surprisingly easy to do when you're unemployed and have no life.

Some of them are pretty good, some of them are pathetic half-assed attempts.

(ok, most are pathetic half-assed posts)

But all are a celebration in mediocrity!

This year has been one of the most trying, difficult years of my life, and i've been so grateful to have this blog as an outlet. Even if i made the decision to not divulge my personal issues on here, it still serves as a welcome distraction.

So thank you for reading. Thank you for your support. and if you need a laugh, click here.

*to the tune of lisa it's your birthday, of course.

What's Wrong with this Picture?

2010-03-25T06:27:00.001-07:00

It's not the delicious looking sandwich.

probably the best sammich ever made, thank you very much.

It's not the adorable paisley plate.

It's not the yummy, generous portion of veggies-to-meat ratio.

but look again. look closely.

Something is missing.

Where are the tasty, fried, crunchy potato-y bits?

The ought to be showcased right in the center of the plate, with a delicious half sammy flanking either side.

And yet, when i went to the store to buy all these amazing sammich ingredients, I specifically thought: should i buy chips? Nah, too fatty.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!?!?

I'm frustrated.

2010-03-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

i don't get to go the the gym right now. It's a self-enforced punishment. I have a hurt tendon in my foot.

In fact, i've had a hurt tendon for a week and a half, but genius shellbell decided to just keep pushing through the pain and it just kept getting worse.

then, eureka! i realized that if i just laid-off it for a minute, it felt better.

exercise=gimpy shellbell
no exercise=pain-free shellbell
(but we're talking about me here, so...still slightly gimpy)

ergo, I haven't been to the gym for two days, and i am BORED

I miss it. I like working out. (gah! i know. it's crazy that I'M the one saying this....me!)

So yesterday (i.e. Day one of stop running on a pulled tendon), i bought these:

and then immediately went for a walk.

Yep, brand new shoes, not broken in. 18block walk...

So now, to go with my pulled tendon i have a matching pair of blisters.

Today, i vowed to not even go for a walk (mainly because "taking a rest" should NOT be including walks anyway, but bleh. I get restless when I don't do something active everyday)

So instead, i do what i do best. I went to target.

Now you'd think that since i'm not exercising, i would do the smart thing, and lay-off delicious, calorie laden foods.

but no, that's not my style.

So no exercise shellbell enjoyed a thoroughly delicious package of peanut butter m&ms.

Yum.

Now, i'm restless...and my pants are too tight.

GPOYW.

2010-03-24T11:26:00.001-07:00

I'm a very scary monster! -edition

GPOYNT*

2010-03-23T20:14:00.003-07:00

adorable! and a whole year old. such a big girl!

Aunt Shellbell bought her that giraffe,

which totally explains why she's so partial to it :)

and parents, I'm not quite sure she has enough toys. yeesh.

* gratuitous picture of your niece tuesday

Dear Easter Bunny*,

2010-03-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

I can't promise i've been good this year...but then again, i'm not certain you keep a naughty/nice list. But i can tell you that i've always been a big, big fan.

so just in case you would like to get me a little sumtin-sumtin, here is my wish-list for the ol' basket:

new rainbows
some new sports bras
new contacts
tires
chocolate!
and whatever else your furry little butt deems necessary for me...

*ok. I'm not real sure the easter bunny reads this blog. or if he even has access to the interwebs (and if he does, it probably takes forever to type with those teeny little rabbit paws), but either way i thought i would go ahead and post this on the off-chance he does read it.

Yes it's real. and it's GLORIOUS.

2010-03-19T07:42:00.001-07:00

Factoids about St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

i'm part irish (shocking, i know)
it's quite possibly my favorite day of the year
i incorporate green food into my diet as much as possible
last year it was a masterpiece of green eggs, green grits, biscuits and green gravy
this video by alexa made me laugh out loud, several times

i got this picture sent to me this morning of my parents and grandma and it made me laugh out loud too!

Every year my dad makes corned beef and cabbage. It's amazing. And i am getting homesick just thinking about it.
i always make sure to have on something that says, "kiss me i'm irish"
I love irish car bombs, but i am too cheap to buy them (that's probably a very good thing)
I am seriously considering wearing my green onesie to the bar tonight.
It's driving me crazy that i haven't started drinking yet!!!!

enjoy the holiday everyone!

GPOYW.

2010-03-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

Obligatory St Pat's Picture from last year -edition

and if you look at my previous post...I don't know what else to say except, i wore this dress alot.

It's almost warm enough. i'm getting antsy.

2010-03-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

.10k

2010-03-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I participated in a race i had been training for my whole life.

the .10k

(yes, there's a decimal in front of the number, and no it's not a typo)

For a $5 registration fee, I got a new tee shirt and a green mug.

The shirt was worn while i participated in a race of 1/10th of a kilometer

(and dominated...don't believe what anyone else tells you)

And the mug was used for drink specials at partcipating bars all day.

$2.50 green miller light... only 1/3 of it ended up in my lap

and now...PICTURES!!!

drunky mcdrunkerson took some craptastic photos on her cell phone, and that's as good are you're going to get

i LOVED my race outfit, i want to wear it everyday. the REALLY sad part is, i hadn't started drinking yet, and am already falling over.

my new best friend: a big ol' mug of green beer

triple fist: when two cups just isn't enough

I missed the memo that we were supposed to "mean mug" it during this picture

i cut other people's faces off when i take pictures. But whatevs, the important person made it into the shot :)

when i drink, i tend to start taking lots of pictures of myself...

i think i'm HILARIOUS (even though no one else ever does)

so.much.fun.

i will definitely be an annual participant in this race.

Oh Happy Day.

2010-03-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

If it's possible, i've fallen even more in love with this city.

I was meandering about the grocery store last saturday, when i noticed the free samples lady.

Instead of the usual old lady in a shower cap, this was girl (possibly younger than me) in trendy clothes.

I walk by looking hungry. Making sure to go slow enough for her to have time to offer her product (after 1,000+ samples at the food court in the mall, i've perfected my "tasting gait").

and then, i heard the 6 most beautiful words in the english language:

"would you like to taste some beer?"

That's right, beer! this lovely, heaven-sent angel was giving out free beer samples. And with the purchase of a 12pack, she was offering a free tee shirt.

Well, the joke's on her because i was already planning on getting a 12pack!

(who knew that grocery stores also sell food too?)

Free beer, and a free tee shirt. bliss.

is it possible to marry a city? i truly think madison and i are in a loving, commited relationship.

GPOYW.

2010-03-10T08:25:00.001-08:00

I will only take credit for the sculpture, not the consumption -edition

Seriously, i am probably only responsible for about half of these.

and, busch light??? When did i become 19 again?

Why I Suck.

2010-03-08T10:04:00.001-08:00

I have been having lots of fun lately [read: unemployment- not as crappy as you think]

For example:

the time i went away to a friend's cabin [read: mansion]
or the time I crashed a party, and met some a great people
or the time i hosted a fancy-schmancy oscars party and ate some amazing food.

Unfortunately, I suck a lot and have been failing to take pictures to document these fun events.

And, failing to describe them accurately enough to relay them to you.

i guess you'll just have to use your imagination (it's probably better in your head than in reality anyway)

Olfactory Dilemma.

2010-03-05T09:35:00.000-08:00

Many moons ago, i worked at victoria's secret.
(it didn't last very long. my entire paycheck was immediately reinvested in the store. plus working retail sucks)

However, during my time there i fell in love.

With a perfume.

it was love at first sniff. Dream Angels: Halo became my official scent.

I love it and it loved me.

Then, disaster struck. I was mingling through the store one day (a few years later) and found all the halo products sitting in a bin. Just cast aside, like an unwanted pet.

I asked the sales associate why they were in the bin (and, ridiculously underpriced) and she said, "oh, they're discontinuing that scent. We're trying to get rid of the rest"

WHAAAAAAAAT?

you're...you're getting RID of it?!?!?

but, that's my scent. MY scent.

I panicked, and bought 4 bottles that day.

and have been rationing it ever since.

But alas, nothing lasts forever, and am i getting towards the end of my last, coveted bottle.

and i am realizing i have two choices here:

i can live in denial, and keep buying this scent (for too much money) off hoarders on ebay
OR, i can put on my big-girl pants, suck it up, and find a new perfume.

So that's what i think i'm going to do.

It will take me awhile, i'm very choosey. but i am a serial monogamist. Once we find each other, it will last for years. when i first started wearing scents, i was hooked on cool water. then halo. next....who knows?

so if you have any that you love, please share the wealth and pass the info along.

and i'll be sure an notify you when my new love and i find each other.

GPOYW.

2010-03-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

Narcissism at it finest -edition.

quite possibly the best picture i've ever taken. seriously can't stop staring at myself.

Say Hello to my Little Friend.

2010-02-26T07:17:00.001-08:00

thank you, Craig's List for coming through for me.

Apartment=done.

and yes, that is a hula hoop behind the chair...why do you ask?

Read These.

2010-02-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

Internet down. and I just got shushed at the library for laughing too hard. enjoy!

http://www.whitecollarredneck.com/2010/02/move.html

http://outofbounds.nbcsports.com/2010/02/post-259.html.php

Weekend Recap.

2010-02-22T09:11:00.000-08:00

Friday: my friend had arranged a "pitcher party" at brothers.

Basically, you have a 2-hour window to consume 15 pitchers and 2 pizzas. All for only $25!

no surprise: consumption led to the devolution of shellbell.

Which means that saturday, i did this:

On Sunday, mom called to see if i had gone to church.

I had not, but i did go shopping.

I told mom it was pretty much the same since I had felt sanctuary and refuge in the store, not to mention made a very sizable donation.

(just waiting for the lightning to strike me, you might want to stand a good 15ft away)

Do I love this, or hate this?

2010-02-21T15:37:00.001-08:00

(the vest, not the shirt)

Can you decide for me, please?

GPOYW.

2010-02-17T06:36:00.001-08:00

I'm Hiding -edition

Beggars Can't be Choosers.

2010-02-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

I've been on the hunt for a chair to fill the new, empty corner of my apartment.

I have a budget of roughly zero dollars, and really picky tastes.

Should be easy, no?

Well (surprise, surprise) it's not.

I can't find anything.

That's not true.

I can't find anything that i can get. I've found lots of delicious looking full priced items, but nothing i'm allowed to adopt.

craigslist and the thrift stores are complete crap. Sure, i've found some good deals there before, but that's when you're constantly looking, and you've got lots of time until to find something.

[whiny voice] I don't want to be patient. I want it now.

This is the epitome of what i'd want:

(unfortunately, this has an $1,200 price tag)

ugh. I guess i'll keep looking.

I'm sure i can get a nice folding chair to fill the void in the meantime.

I Did It!

2010-02-12T21:59:00.000-08:00

Boo yeah. Suck it, Deadline.

I was able to clean, purge, and rearrange my entire apartment over the course of this week.

Here's a crappy cell phone video of what the living room now looks like.

(it's really more for my parents, who have been hounding me non-stop about the status of this endeavor. I doubt the rest of you even care what it looks like... 10pts if you can guess what show is on the tv though)

except for the poorly hung artwork, i am quite happy with the new layout. It makes the room look much bigger. And I am hoping to get a comfy chair and ottoman for the empty space in the corner.

Y'all are more than welcome to come over for a fancy-schmancy party.

(just make sure you bring the food, alcohol, and entertainment)

This Really Shouldn't Entertain Me This Much.

2010-02-12T14:49:00.000-08:00

Target Love.

2010-02-11T12:11:00.001-08:00

My new socks have been putting a smile on my face all day.

Best $1 I spent this week, by far.

GPOYW.

2010-02-10T08:03:00.000-08:00

Shellbell, now available in a handy dandy pocket size -edition

This Old House.

2010-02-10T07:40:00.002-08:00

(I really will post a vacation recap someday. I promise i will)

This week, I was looking for a distraction. I was coming off my vacation high, dreading the upcoming week (and impending unemployment boredom), and decided i needed a project.

viola! I know, i'll rearranging my apartment.

I really haven't been happy with the layout. Given that it's a small space to begin with, my furniture placement wasn't helping any.

So i came up with a plan. and i love it. I can picture it in my head. It will make the living room much bigger, and I'll even have space to add a comfy chair and ottoman. (btw, i am looking for one on the cheap, let me know if you have one you want to be rid of)

I began monday morning. I was eager and ready. i just knew it would only take me a day...

First of all, i had no idea i had so many roomates. Every piece of furniture i moved i found a colony of little dust bunnies.

So now my rearranging project also has a cleaning subproject attached.

Then, as i am cleaning and moving, i realize i need a place to put everything. and the only way everything will have a place, is if i get rid of some stuff.

So now my rearranging/cleaning project has a declutter purge attached.

Needless to say, it is day 3 and i am maybe halfway done.

I'm giving myself until Friday. That's my deadline to get all this finished. As much as i love the company, dust bunnies, you gots to go.

And finally, i realized that a new furniture placements means i will need to rearrange the decorations too. Pictures need to be rehung, and such.

i have no idea how i ever got these up in the first place!

Apparently, my super old apartment = super thick plaster walls.

Super thick plaster walls, which now do a great impression of swiss cheese.

Everytime i try to hammer a nail in, it refuses to move, but giant chunks of walls chip off instead.

Where i put my table, i tried to put a large painting. By the 8th attempt, i realized i wanted to hang it in a way that it would cover all the gaping holes i had just made.

i finally got the nail in, hung the painting, and stepped back to appreciate my handy-work.

it's about 12" too high, and 4" too far to the right :)

but screw it. it's up. that's as good as you're going to get from me.

check back with me on friday, and see if i kept my word and finished by then.